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Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
Plot Point
By Bill Maher
Rand Paul wrote a fundraising letter to his "fellow patriots" calling President Obama and "his anti-gun pals" "anti-American globalists [who] plot against our Constitution." The same day this statement came out, Politico wrote, "Put simply, if you designed a candidate in a lab to match up with the early GOP primary states, it would probably look a lot like Rand Paul." Even The New York Times has called him "a rising star."
Rand Paul can say whatever crazy shit he wants to become more popular with the Republican base. But when he says the president is "plotting" against other Americans, it's up to the rest of the civilized world to dismiss him as a dangerous kook.
And he's just one cog in the crazy machine. Last week, House Republicans voted to repeal Obamacare for the 37th time. In the Senate, Republicans are blocking Obama's nominees to head the EPA and the Department of Labor, and have prevented -- for years -- anybody from being named to the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. The most important appellate court in the United States, the D.C. Circuit court (which is like the Supreme Court's mini-me because it rules on so many federal issues), has had four vacancies forever. In fact, John Roberts sat on this court before being appointed to the Supreme Court in 2005, and his seat is still vacant because Republicans won't put somebody there who changes the balance of power.
At what point does obstruction become treason? Isn't that a reasonable question now, especially with Obamacare? It's the law of the land, affirmed by the Supreme Court, but Republicans are still trying to defund it and screw it up any way they can.
Aren't they "plotting" against their country?
Rand Paul wrote a fundraising letter to his "fellow patriots" calling President Obama and "his anti-gun pals" "anti-American globalists [who] plot against our Constitution." The same day this statement came out, Politico wrote, "Put simply, if you designed a candidate in a lab to match up with the early GOP primary states, it would probably look a lot like Rand Paul." Even The New York Times has called him "a rising star."
Rand Paul can say whatever crazy shit he wants to become more popular with the Republican base. But when he says the president is "plotting" against other Americans, it's up to the rest of the civilized world to dismiss him as a dangerous kook.
And he's just one cog in the crazy machine. Last week, House Republicans voted to repeal Obamacare for the 37th time. In the Senate, Republicans are blocking Obama's nominees to head the EPA and the Department of Labor, and have prevented -- for years -- anybody from being named to the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. The most important appellate court in the United States, the D.C. Circuit court (which is like the Supreme Court's mini-me because it rules on so many federal issues), has had four vacancies forever. In fact, John Roberts sat on this court before being appointed to the Supreme Court in 2005, and his seat is still vacant because Republicans won't put somebody there who changes the balance of power.
At what point does obstruction become treason? Isn't that a reasonable question now, especially with Obamacare? It's the law of the land, affirmed by the Supreme Court, but Republicans are still trying to defund it and screw it up any way they can.
Aren't they "plotting" against their country?
Pyramid Scheme
By Bill Maher
"Who will buy this wonderful feeling?" -Oliver/General Dynamics
With everything happening in the world -- terrorism, disease, Reese Witherspoon going all "Onion Field" on our cops -- it's easy to lose track of what's really important. Like Egyptian economic reform. But don't worry, you're paying for it whether you pay attention or not.
Earlier this year, as The Sequester kicked in, Secretary of State Kerry announced that we still had $250 million to give the Land of the Pharaohs for "economic reform" -- against $1 billion, if we like what we see. The loan and the "economic reforms" are essential for Egypt to qualify for another loan, this one for $4.8 billion, from the IMF.
Who funds the IMF? Oh, that's you again. Over 17 percent of the IMF's funds come from the United States.
The Sequester also won't stop us from sending whoever's in charge in Egypt 20 F-16s and 20 M-1 Abrams tanks, a total prize package worth over a billion dollars, addressed to Occupant.
Weird how that tank keeps coming up.
Right-wing kooks and conspiracy loons think Obama loves Egypt because he makes Michelle wear a hijab around the house, but it's actually more banal than that. America is basically Chrysler, only instead of minivans, we make this tank. And we need someone to buy it, and this is our version of 0% financing. Because Egypt is much more than a semi-modern, semi-moderate, squint-and-you-can-believe-it's-true frenemy in the Middle East. It's also a customer.
"Who will buy this wonderful feeling?" -Oliver/General Dynamics
With everything happening in the world -- terrorism, disease, Reese Witherspoon going all "Onion Field" on our cops -- it's easy to lose track of what's really important. Like Egyptian economic reform. But don't worry, you're paying for it whether you pay attention or not.
Earlier this year, as The Sequester kicked in, Secretary of State Kerry announced that we still had $250 million to give the Land of the Pharaohs for "economic reform" -- against $1 billion, if we like what we see. The loan and the "economic reforms" are essential for Egypt to qualify for another loan, this one for $4.8 billion, from the IMF.
Who funds the IMF? Oh, that's you again. Over 17 percent of the IMF's funds come from the United States.
The Sequester also won't stop us from sending whoever's in charge in Egypt 20 F-16s and 20 M-1 Abrams tanks, a total prize package worth over a billion dollars, addressed to Occupant.
Weird how that tank keeps coming up.
Right-wing kooks and conspiracy loons think Obama loves Egypt because he makes Michelle wear a hijab around the house, but it's actually more banal than that. America is basically Chrysler, only instead of minivans, we make this tank. And we need someone to buy it, and this is our version of 0% financing. Because Egypt is much more than a semi-modern, semi-moderate, squint-and-you-can-believe-it's-true frenemy in the Middle East. It's also a customer.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Benghazi and the October Surprise
By Bill Maher
A new e-book came out this week called A Bad Day On The Romney Campaign: An Insider’s Account. It was written by Clint Eastwood’s chair. No it wasn’t, it was written by some whiny grifter named Gabriel Schoenfeld, who was a “senior advisor” to the campaign. The book focuses on the day of the Benghazi attack, and how Mitt Romney tripped over his dick.
The mission in Libya was still on fire when Mitt issued a statement — based on the Twitter feed of someone in Cairo — claiming it was all Obama’s fault, because we apologized for that internet movie that insulted Allah. It was stupid, tone deaf, inaccurate, half-hearted, phony and entirely beside the point, or what’s now known as The Full Romney.
Schoenfeld writes:
But I think it’s important because it helps explain why Republicans are such crackheads about Benghazi: It — or something like it — was supposed to win Romney the election. His campaign was designed to stay competitive, sing “God Bless America,” and wait for Obama to screw up. Benghazi happened and Mitt booted it. That’s why they’ll never let it go.
Remember the “47%” video? Romney is asked about the October Surprise, when Reagan got elected and Iran magically gave us the hostages, and why Romney can’t “duplicate that scenario.”
And that’s how you understand Benghazi: Work backwards from “Republicans are supposed to win.” Don’t follow the money. Follow the entitlement.
A new e-book came out this week called A Bad Day On The Romney Campaign: An Insider’s Account. It was written by Clint Eastwood’s chair. No it wasn’t, it was written by some whiny grifter named Gabriel Schoenfeld, who was a “senior advisor” to the campaign. The book focuses on the day of the Benghazi attack, and how Mitt Romney tripped over his dick.
The mission in Libya was still on fire when Mitt issued a statement — based on the Twitter feed of someone in Cairo — claiming it was all Obama’s fault, because we apologized for that internet movie that insulted Allah. It was stupid, tone deaf, inaccurate, half-hearted, phony and entirely beside the point, or what’s now known as The Full Romney.
Schoenfeld writes:
“The Romney campaign’s statement of September 11, 2012 had left the candidate naked, embarrassed, and disarmed.”Try getting that image out of your head.
But I think it’s important because it helps explain why Republicans are such crackheads about Benghazi: It — or something like it — was supposed to win Romney the election. His campaign was designed to stay competitive, sing “God Bless America,” and wait for Obama to screw up. Benghazi happened and Mitt booted it. That’s why they’ll never let it go.
Remember the “47%” video? Romney is asked about the October Surprise, when Reagan got elected and Iran magically gave us the hostages, and why Romney can’t “duplicate that scenario.”
Romney: I appreciate the idea…(blahblahblah Russia, Iran, nukes, China, Jimmy Carter)…if something of that nature presents itself, I will work to find a way to take advantage of the opportunity.Something of that nature presented itself — four brave people dying violent deaths — and Mitt tried to take advantage of it, but he couldn’t. Because that bastard Obama cheated and rewrote the memo.
And that’s how you understand Benghazi: Work backwards from “Republicans are supposed to win.” Don’t follow the money. Follow the entitlement.
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
By Bill Maher
“Please sir, I want some more.” -Oliver/The Jackson Family
Michael Jackson’s mother is suing a concert promoter for employing a doctor whose reaction to seeing his patient OD was to call a doctor. She wants $40 billion. Because right up until the end there, everything was going great.
Now, my feelings about Michael Jackson are best summed up by an exchange between FBI agents in ‘Red Dragon,’ the prequel to ‘Silence of the Lambs’:
He was 51 years old. You don’t have to pay his mommy if you were negligent and didn’t do enough to prevent him from being a junkie.
Why is this trial happening? Why are those 18 poor jurors being held hostage? If Somali pirates took them instead of the Jackson family legal team, we’d send the Seals to blow their brains out.
“Please sir, I want some more.” -Oliver/The Jackson Family
Michael Jackson’s mother is suing a concert promoter for employing a doctor whose reaction to seeing his patient OD was to call a doctor. She wants $40 billion. Because right up until the end there, everything was going great.
Now, my feelings about Michael Jackson are best summed up by an exchange between FBI agents in ‘Red Dragon,’ the prequel to ‘Silence of the Lambs’:
JACK CRAWFORDThe people my heart really bleeds for are the 12 jurors and six alternates who are going to have to sit through this endless legalized shakedown as this horrible old lady tries to suck one more drop of toxic watery blood from her son’s putrefying corpse.
You feel sorry for him.
WILL GRAHAM
My heart bleeds for him, as a child.
Someone took a kid and manufactured
a monster. At the same time, as an
adult, he’s irredeemable. As an adult,
someone should blow the sick fuck out
of his socks.
He was 51 years old. You don’t have to pay his mommy if you were negligent and didn’t do enough to prevent him from being a junkie.
Why is this trial happening? Why are those 18 poor jurors being held hostage? If Somali pirates took them instead of the Jackson family legal team, we’d send the Seals to blow their brains out.
The Truthers Out There
By Bill Maher
It’s often said that you can measure the health of a society by how readily it believes in conspiracy theories. …OK, maybe it’s not often said, because I just made it up, but it should be. Because it’s true.
Now, our fair country has its share of conspiracy theories, and we may have just added another: that the Boston Marathon bombing was a false flag operation designed to frighten the citizens so the government can take away our rights and our guns. Or something like that. I try not to click on those links so my IP address doesn’t get “pinged” in the FBI’s PND — Potential Nutcase Database.
But when anything major happens in America, you can set your watch and within 48 hours someone will be explaining to you how some nefarious group wanted this to happen, and also planned it. These are usually fringe, Alex Jones-type groups, but not always. The 9/11 Truther movement wasn’t exactly tiny, probably about the same size as the Ron Paul movement. Because they’re the same people. Then there are the Roswell/UFO conspiracy types, the U.N. black helicopter conspiracy people, those who think the moon landing was faked. Not to mention the people who think all the fat black women in Tyler Perry movies are actually Tyler Perry.
But nothing compares to the Middle East, where conspiracy theories are so pervasive you’d think the whole region was entirely backward and overly religious or something.
For instance, a 2011 Pew survey showed that 75 percent of Egyptian Muslims don’t believe that Arabs were behind the 9/11 attacks. They believe it was…oh, I’ll let you guess who they think did it. But it rhymes with “Da Blues.”
But there’s a reason people in the Middle East believe in so many conspiracy theories — because their governments are often so corrupt and evil, they are working behind the scenes to screw their people. And then blame it on America and the Jews. In the Middle East, people are also usually confined by a state press and have no history of not being lied to.
Also, we’re now in an era where, in addition to porn and bomb-making guidelines, you can see any amount of crazy information you like on the internet, whereas before you could only communicate with like-minded losers via ham radio or at a Star Trek convention.
But we should be way ahead of societies where everything the government does is greeted with automatic suspicion, and I’m not sure we are. In America, there seems to be a very thin wall separating those of us who are being critical and skeptical and those who are just being conspiratorial and crazy.
Isn’t that, you know, bad for democracy?
It’s often said that you can measure the health of a society by how readily it believes in conspiracy theories. …OK, maybe it’s not often said, because I just made it up, but it should be. Because it’s true.
Now, our fair country has its share of conspiracy theories, and we may have just added another: that the Boston Marathon bombing was a false flag operation designed to frighten the citizens so the government can take away our rights and our guns. Or something like that. I try not to click on those links so my IP address doesn’t get “pinged” in the FBI’s PND — Potential Nutcase Database.
But when anything major happens in America, you can set your watch and within 48 hours someone will be explaining to you how some nefarious group wanted this to happen, and also planned it. These are usually fringe, Alex Jones-type groups, but not always. The 9/11 Truther movement wasn’t exactly tiny, probably about the same size as the Ron Paul movement. Because they’re the same people. Then there are the Roswell/UFO conspiracy types, the U.N. black helicopter conspiracy people, those who think the moon landing was faked. Not to mention the people who think all the fat black women in Tyler Perry movies are actually Tyler Perry.
But nothing compares to the Middle East, where conspiracy theories are so pervasive you’d think the whole region was entirely backward and overly religious or something.
For instance, a 2011 Pew survey showed that 75 percent of Egyptian Muslims don’t believe that Arabs were behind the 9/11 attacks. They believe it was…oh, I’ll let you guess who they think did it. But it rhymes with “Da Blues.”
But there’s a reason people in the Middle East believe in so many conspiracy theories — because their governments are often so corrupt and evil, they are working behind the scenes to screw their people. And then blame it on America and the Jews. In the Middle East, people are also usually confined by a state press and have no history of not being lied to.
Also, we’re now in an era where, in addition to porn and bomb-making guidelines, you can see any amount of crazy information you like on the internet, whereas before you could only communicate with like-minded losers via ham radio or at a Star Trek convention.
But we should be way ahead of societies where everything the government does is greeted with automatic suspicion, and I’m not sure we are. In America, there seems to be a very thin wall separating those of us who are being critical and skeptical and those who are just being conspiratorial and crazy.
Isn’t that, you know, bad for democracy?
Tanks, But No Tanks
By Bill Maher
With the advent of Netflix, Blockbuster video stores all over America are closing their doors. People simply don't need their services anymore. That's the free market. But what if President Obama said, "You know what? Blockbuster employs a lot of people, so I'm going to earmark billions of taxpayer dollars to keep these franchises open. Sure, they have no real customers, but hey, there's no work like busy work."
There would be an outrage. The Drudge Report banner would scream, "Socialism!" and Fox New would have a permanent graphic that says "Blockbuster-gate."
Well, this type of thing is going on. But it's not President Obama that's doing it; it's Congress. The Army doesn't want any more Abrams tanks. They have plenty. More than they need. They've, in fact, told Congress, "We're good." But Congress keeps ordering up more Abrams tanks to the tune of half-a-billion taxpayer dollars just over the last two years. And they're asking for $436 million more in funding.
Why? Jobs. General Dynamics (who spent nearly $11 million on lobbying last year) builds the tanks using more than 560 subcontractors strategically placed in congressional districts throughout the United States. Forty of those companies are in Pennsylvania where Democratic Senator Rob Casey keeps demanding funding for tanks the Army doesn't want or need.
The main Abrams tank plant is in Lima, Ohio which is why this unwanted and unnecessary funding is championed by Republican deficit hawks Rep. Jim Jordan and Sen. Rob Portman, as well as liberal Democratic Sen. Sherrod Brown. In the name of jobs in their districts, Congress keeps dumping more Abrams tanks onto the Army's plate like an Italian mother serving unwanted third helpings to a dinner guest who's already full.
Isn't this socialism?
With the advent of Netflix, Blockbuster video stores all over America are closing their doors. People simply don't need their services anymore. That's the free market. But what if President Obama said, "You know what? Blockbuster employs a lot of people, so I'm going to earmark billions of taxpayer dollars to keep these franchises open. Sure, they have no real customers, but hey, there's no work like busy work."
There would be an outrage. The Drudge Report banner would scream, "Socialism!" and Fox New would have a permanent graphic that says "Blockbuster-gate."
Well, this type of thing is going on. But it's not President Obama that's doing it; it's Congress. The Army doesn't want any more Abrams tanks. They have plenty. More than they need. They've, in fact, told Congress, "We're good." But Congress keeps ordering up more Abrams tanks to the tune of half-a-billion taxpayer dollars just over the last two years. And they're asking for $436 million more in funding.
Why? Jobs. General Dynamics (who spent nearly $11 million on lobbying last year) builds the tanks using more than 560 subcontractors strategically placed in congressional districts throughout the United States. Forty of those companies are in Pennsylvania where Democratic Senator Rob Casey keeps demanding funding for tanks the Army doesn't want or need.
The main Abrams tank plant is in Lima, Ohio which is why this unwanted and unnecessary funding is championed by Republican deficit hawks Rep. Jim Jordan and Sen. Rob Portman, as well as liberal Democratic Sen. Sherrod Brown. In the name of jobs in their districts, Congress keeps dumping more Abrams tanks onto the Army's plate like an Italian mother serving unwanted third helpings to a dinner guest who's already full.
Isn't this socialism?
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