The GOP: divorced from reality

The Republican base is behaving like a guy who just got dumped by his wife.

If conservatives don't want to be seen as bitter people who cling to their guns and religion and anti-immigrant sentiments, they should stop being bitter and clinging to their guns, religion and anti-immigrant sentiments.

It's been a week now, and I still don't know what those "tea bag" protests were about. I saw signs protesting abortion, illegal immigrants, the bank bailout and that gay guy who's going to win "American Idol." But it wasn't tax day that made them crazy; it was election day. Because that's when Republicans became what they fear most: a minority.

The conservative base is absolutely apoplectic because, because ... well, nobody knows. They're mad as hell, and they're not going to take it anymore. Even though they're not quite sure what "it" is. But they know they're fed up with "it," and that "it" has got to stop.

Here are the big issues for normal people: the war, the economy, the environment, mending fences with our enemies and allies, and the rule of law.

And here's the list of Republican obsessions since President Obama took office: that his birth certificate is supposedly fake, he uses a teleprompter too much, he bowed to a Saudi guy, Europeans like him, he gives inappropriate gifts, his wife shamelessly flaunts her upper arms, and he shook hands with Hugo Chavez and slipped him the nuclear launch codes.

Do these sound like the concerns of a healthy, vibrant political party?

It's sad what's happened to the Republicans. They used to be the party of the big tent; now they're the party of the sideshow attraction, a socially awkward group of mostly white people who speak a language only they understand. Like Trekkies, but paranoid.

The GOP base is convinced that Obama is going to raise their taxes, which he just lowered. But, you say, "Bill, that's just the fringe of the Republican Party." No, it's not. The governor of Texas, Rick Perry, is not afraid to say publicly that thinking out loud about Texas seceding from the Union is appropriate considering that ... Obama wants to raise taxes 3% on 5% of the people? I'm not sure exactly what Perry's independent nation would look like, but I'm pretty sure it would be free of taxes and Planned Parenthood. And I would have to totally rethink my position on a border fence.

I know. It's not about what Obama's done. It's what he's planning. But you can't be sick and tired of something someone might do.

Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota recently said she fears that Obama will build "reeducation" camps to indoctrinate young people. But Obama hasn't made any moves toward taking anyone's guns, and with money as tight as it is, the last thing the president wants to do is run a camp where he has to shelter and feed a bunch of fat, angry white people.

Look, I get it, "real America." After an eight-year run of controlling the White House, Congress and the Supreme Court, this latest election has you feeling like a rejected husband. You've come home to find your things out on the front lawn -- or at least more things than you usually keep out on the front lawn. You're not ready to let go, but the country you love is moving on. And now you want to call it a whore and key its car.

That's what you are, the bitter divorced guy whose country has left him -- obsessing over it, haranguing it, blubbering one minute about how much you love it and vowing the next that if you cannot have it, nobody will.

But it's been almost 100 days, and your country is not coming back to you. She's found somebody new. And it's a black guy.

The healthy thing to do is to just get past it and learn to cherish the memories. You'll always have New Orleans and Abu Ghraib.

And if today's conservatives are insulted by this, because they feel they're better than the people who have the microphone in their party, then I say to them what I would say to moderate Muslims: Denounce your radicals. To paraphrase George W. Bush, either you're with them or you're embarrassed by them.

The thing that you people out of power have to remember is that the people in power are not secretly plotting against you. They don't need to. They already beat you in public.

-Bill Maher

Published April 24 2009 The Los Angeles Times

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-maher24-2009apr24,0,927819.story

QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER"

QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER"

Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, March 13th, 2009. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.

Bernie Madoff, the most reviled person in America, except for perhaps that E*Trade talking baby, went to prison. They did the cavity search. They found 63 billion dollars.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue

He lost 63 billion dollars of people’s money, never invested a dime in anything. He put all of it in one Chase Manhattan Bank account. You know what I don’t understand, how come the FBI didn't notice this but somehow they found Eliot Spitzer's hooker money.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue, regarding Bernie Madoff

Michael Steele, the head of the Republican Party, is in very hot water this week once again for suggesting that actually it is the woman’s choice if she’s pregnant, what to do, and also suggesting that homosexuality is something you’re born with. Rush Limbaugh attacked him for being dangerously sane.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue

Bristol says she wants her baby raised free of ignorance and backwoods superstition. But you can't stop mom from visiting.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue

For the sake of our children, this overly powerful and selfish union must be busted.
- Bill Maher, regarding the Teacher’s Union

New Rule: To save taxpayer money, someone must fire those courtroom sketch artists and just take a damn picture. It's 2009. Everything in our pocket has a camera on it now - including the lint. And if you really want to draw the people who laid America low, bring your sketch-pad to Wall Street.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment

New Rule: Garbage trucks get to back up without beeping. I'm trying to sleep and you're a giant, churning, groaning behemoth, and when you go backwards, it's at one mile an hour while making the sound of Fran Drescher with her hand caught in a blender. If there's anyone out there who can manage to get run over under those conditions, well, you won't just be letting me sleep, you'll be improving the species.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment

New Rule: If President Obama really wants to be transparent and level with the American people, he must replace Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner with an actual deer caught in the headlights. Geithner could learn a thing or two about economic stimulus from the deer. For example, if you want to make a couple of bucks you need a little doe up front.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment

This week's guests were Andrew Breitbart, Michael Eric Dyson, Sarah Silverman and Steven Pearlstein.

Country First

Whenever we do an editorial chastising America for not living up to its potential, there are complaints. Complaints that I blame America first. Which is silly - I'm not "blaming" America in any particular order. I'm simply of the belief that nothing gets better until you see the problem for what it really is. Republicans have become the party of red, white and blue rose colored glasses. By drowning out criticism with USA! USA!, they prevent this country from healing itself where it needs healing, and that is the opposite of Country First. For those who disapproved of Friday's editorial about Europe and America, here are two others of similar ilk to choke on :)

Religulous

Hey all, if you haven't seen "Religulous" yet, would you do me a favor and go this weekend? I swear not for me, I am honestly not interested in ever making a movie again - I'm like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon, "I'm too old for this shit." But this one I would like to do well so America gets it that there's a lot of people who at least would like this to be a subject we can talk about and debate. And, its a hoot! I've gotten so many e mails and texts from people who say "I just saw your movie, and at the end everyone applauded. " Something must be going on here, how many times do you see that in movies these days?

Thank you!

Republicans, stop calling Obama elitist

Because the real reason you don't like him is that he's smarter than you.

Sept. 5, 2008 New Rule: Republicans need to stop saying Barack Obama is an elitist, or looks down on rural people, and just admit you don't like him because of something he can't help, something that's a result of the way he was born. Admit it, you're not voting for him because he's smarter than you.

In her acceptance speech, Gov. Sarah Palin accused Obama of using his run for the White House as a "journey of personal discovery" -- this from the lady who just spent 10 minutes of her speech introducing her family -- Track, Trig, Bristol, Piper -- for a minute there I thought she was calling in an airstrike.

Karl Rove described Obama as "the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini, and making snide comments about everyone who passes by." Unlike George Bush, who's the guy at the country club who makes snide comments, and then passes out. Now this characterization, of course, was something Mr. Rove just completely pulled out of his bulbous, gelatinous ass, but remember this is America, a land where people believe anything they hear. One of McCain's ads casts Obama as "the one," implying he thinks he's the Messiah. Good, maybe he can raise McCain from the dead.

It doesn't matter to Karl Rove that his country club characterization is fictitious, it's the role that Obama must play if the party of plutocrats is going to win over the little guy. Over and over at this convention we heard about the new put-upon victim in our society, the person in America, like Sarah Palin, who's constantly mocked because they're from a ... small town! Governor Yup Yup's got 'em all riled up about being disrespected.

Barack Obama can't help it if he's a magna cum laude Harvard grad and you're a Wal-Mart shopper who resurfaces driveways with your brother-in-law. Americans are so narcissistic that our candidates have to be just like us. That's why George Bush is president. And that's where the McCain camp gets its campaign strategy: Paint Obama as cocky and arrogant and wait for America to vote him off, like the black guy in every reality show. A black president? Half of Pennsylvania isn't ready for black quarterbacks. Forget Obama, they think Will Smith needs to be taken down a peg.

And finally: As for "country first," you know who's putting country first? I am, by supporting Obama, because a victory this fall for the McCain-Mooseburger ticket would make my job in the next four years very, very easy.

Defeating Evil

On Friday night's Real Time, Craig Ferguson was not following an analogy I made, and he's an exceptionally bright guy, so maybe it was me and here's agood place to expatiate, unless that's what makes you go blind.

I was trying to make a point about something that's been bugging me lately,which is the way the Afgan war has become the good, smart war that nobody questions - sure, the Republicans were stupid to go into Iraq, THEIR war, but Obama's idea to add troops and have a surge in Afghanistan, that nobody questions. Can't we at least have a debate about this? I know in America wehave to have SOME war going, you can't say you're against war, that makes you a wimp. But on the campaign trail, Obama used to say he didn't want tojust end the Iraq war, he wanted to change the mindset that got us into such a war - that's the kind of thing that made me really like him.

But at the convention, it was "Obama wants to send two more brigades to Afghanistan! Hurrah!" Yes, Afghanistan is where Al Queada really is, but we're not going to beable to kill all of them, and new ones are being born every minute,especially every time we bomb civilians. And bin Laden is in Pakistan, and we're not going to invade Pakistan to get him, so what's the plan? And theanalogy I was making was with gangs in America. In the analogy, they're the terrorists. Of course the gangs in L.A. would like to rampage through Malibu, just as Al Quadea would like to knock down more of our buildings,but Malibu takes measures to ensure they wouldn't be successful if they tried it. No one feels the need to send the Malibu police into South Centraland arrest or kill every gang member; that would be impossible. As is the idea that we can kill or capture every "terrorist." And it is possible tobring gang members into society, and terrorists, too.

But this is a country where millions cheered when Rick Warren asked McCain what to do about evil, and he said "Defeat it."

You could wipe out evil by the end of your first term, Senator, or would it take two?

DNC

Monday of this week I spent in Denver for the opening day of the Democratic convention, and it was both exhilarating and depressing. It brought to my mind all the ambivalence I’ve had about the Democratic Party my whole adult life. My parents were staunch, true-blue, Kennedy loving Democrats, and I love that about them. I loved walking among the crowd and knowing, wow, all these people, and all day long I’m not going to run into anyone who disagrees with me on the basics. Maybe it’s even deeper than that, its tribal. I could never bring myself to call myself a Democrat (I’m an Independent) because their party is so tepid in either their belief or in the follow through on so many issues that should be Democratic, I feel no one really is expressing what my platform would be if I was king. Democratic politicians don’t talk about shrinking the military budget, ending corporate welfare, ending the drug war, etc.
But as a tribe, I know when I’m with my own. Their hearts are just more in the right place according to how I was raised. And I wish the party and the country were the more decent party and country they were in my parent’s heyday, and I could fully embrace my tribes as they did. But things are different.
In one of my favorite movies, “In the Line of Fire” Clint Eastwood as the Secret Service agent who 30 years earlier had failed to protect JFK and is now slipping protecting the current president, is at one point confronted about the day in Dallas when his and Kennedy’s lives intertwined forever – and he says “I was different! He was different! The whole country was different…” and then something really cool I can’t quite remember, but somebody should look it up.