Friday, May 7, 2010

QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER” - MAY 7, 2010

Friday, May 7, 2010



QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER”



Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, May 7th, 2010. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.



I have to get to this first. I’m not gonna lie, it’s not the most important story of the week, it’s just the one I like the best. … George Rekers, the co-founder of a far-Right Christian group called the Family Research Council, sounds very scientific. It’s not. This man devoted his life to curing homosexuality. And you know, people have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re definitely gay! They are 100% sausage-smoking, Barbara Streisand-loving, Project Runway-ready gay.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue



Mr. George Rekers was caught this week on a European vacation with a 20 year-old male hooker. And his excuse, the first excuse, was that he needed someone to carry his luggage. … Rekers said he could have just bought one of those rolling suitcases, but they look so gay.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue



At first the Taliban claimed credit and then as the week went on and we found out about this guy they said, “No, we have nothing to do with him.” … The Taliban said, “The next time we want to wreak mass destruction on America, we’ll hire BP.”

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue, regarding the attempted bombing in Times Square



The car bomb was fertilizer, gasoline, fireworks and propane tanks, still safer than a Toyota.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue



This guy had some sort of training over there in Pakistan, You get the feeling when they showed him how to make the car bomb he said great, now how do I get the SUV on the plane.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue



When you have nothing to lose, it’s probably the best situation to be in for a comedian. I think that, you know, being sent to sleep-away camp ever since you’re six and just wetting the bed every night is so humiliating that, I mean it’s not the holocaust, but it’s probably, it’s second worst.

- Sarah Silverman



You’re show on the holocaust was very funny. And I’ve never used that sentence before.

- Bill Maher to Sarah Silverman



I think that I would like to adopt a mentally retarded baby … When you do something like that, you don’t just do something like that. You have to be very honest with yourself and even accept the ugliest thoughts. For instance, one caveat of adopting a mentally challenged baby might be, best case scenario, you die at 100 of old age, you’re worried about who’s going to take care of your elderly, mentally handicapped child. So I found a solution for me, that works for me. I am going to adopt a mentally retarded baby with a terminal illness.

- Sarah Silverman



New Rule: If President Obama is going to keep saying, “We will not be terrorized,” he has to show he means it by letting us take our gels and liquids back on the plane. Hey, we’re Americans, of course we’re terrified—being afraid is what we do best. The stars and stripes should be replaced by Shaggy and Scooby-Doo, running for their lives.

- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment



New Rule: Hollywood needs a new coroner. When Brittany Murphy and Corey Haim are ruled to have died from “natural causes”, and Michael Jackson’s autopsy report says he was in “good health”, it’s time to stop using Dr. Whitney Houston.

- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment



This week's guests were Salman Rushdie, Alexis Glick, David Frum, Alan Brinkley and Sarah Silverman.

45 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, Bill
Few incite me to post a comment online, but you do - keep up the good work. Whether you like it or not, you are the voice I take with me wherever I go - to the gym to spar with my trainer, to work to banter with the disgruntled CA state employees, or to bed where I have you to myself - and the latter makes life worth living...

Anonymous said...

How is it the car companies start to go broke...get the bail out, and lower the prices, make cars more fuel efficient...then brag how good they are.
A new truck 2 years ago was 48,000, today it's 19,000 and as fuel econimic as toyota's honda, ect...

Anonymous said...

Dear Bill

Religulous, yes Religions are a Corruption of the Truth Genesis 1:1; Romans 1:21-23

Anybody can say or write anything, who's telling the Truth if Truth Exist?

Let them Demonstrate the Bottom Line with a piece of paper, by simply folding and cuting to reveal words and images consistent with history past, present and Future!
Answer? Be it Political, Religous, or Scientific.

ADONAI'S ANSWER!
Litmus Test Past I Kings 18:20-38 Present http://truth-revealed.name

ELectricity power of physical and Spiritual!
ELephant strength of
HELp call the Creator and Almighty
wELL
HELL 3prsn of the T
ri-unity

What do the words above have in common! By Chance of course, related to who, simlar to Hebrew words DaniEL
MichaEL, JoEL etc.

Bill don't let the Corruption of mankind, confuse you, let every man be a liar, but let HYHY be True.

Van King said...

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Anonymous said...

Note: Let him who possesses great wisdom read this from beginning to end, (all 4 parts) before wisely deleting it...

Part 1

Bill, as a onetime die hard atheist finally got a chance to see "Religulous" & loved it. Man you hit them below the belt by exposing what they all truly are? "Religious $Frauds$" Yes, viewed it several times & found a few errors that may have gone unnoticed. Like that, Jesus character who attempted to argue a weak point that "we haven't got a clue what our creator's master plan for all of mankind truly is?" I mean; he compared mankind to a bunch of crawling insects. In comparisons to this all-knowing immortal supreme being? A most inaccurate comparison indeed i must say...

However, what he failed to fully explain to my skeptical satisfaction is that ants don't have thee intelligence too recognize who created them, but we do...

I'm quite a bit like you in many ways Bill.. Especially when it comes to the subject of "religion" I also question the existence of this God character & when referencing a few chapters in that Bible i tend too shy away from all the meaningless bloodshed.

Please believe me as one stranger to another oh how I wish for everyone's sake on this bewildered planet I could tell you all that this God character does not exist, and be done with it forever...

Unfortunately,I bear some sad news, for we who inhabit this spinning ball in space... I must regrettably add the following text:

Anonymous said...

Part 2


This stranger would be lying to you & thee entire world if he also denied God's existence. Even if i wanted too! i can't. & believe me no one has a greater reason to hate this creep more than I. Oh yes I hate him with an endless vengeance as deep as any ocean... I hold him accountable for the agonizing death of my dear grandmother struck down with Lou Gehrig disease in the latter part of her life. Blame him for the death of my father who died screaming in horrific agony with severe burns over 95% of his body. an unjust death of a good & righteous man who went out in a blaze of hell following a plane crash. Lung cancer ended my step father's existence on this most hostile planet in 1987. add to that this perversely evil curse called, the aging process something that this Jesus Christ character never experienced after committing suicide... makes me hate God even more...

Yes, Bill I to have reason too hate him with every fiber of my being...

Like everyone knows when this hate manifests itself & begins to possess your every thought! One might look for an avenue of escape...Now if this born loser had any real courage i would jump from the highest skyscraper ending my wretched existence for keeps. However, providing God with a entertaining spectacle like that would be a mistake.
Fact, thousands die every single day all around the world... Fact, many are suicides that probably could have been prevented if someone upstairs really cared...

Like who can blame them for it's easy for us to become desensitized by all this violent death we read about on a daily basis...as for a nobody like me following the predetermined path to suicide? Even the thought can be most distasteful...This particular subject almost always leads to a one-sided religious argument that concludes with these same words every time "what's one less human male of the species in a sea of billions anyway?" Nothing = 0

Anonymous said...

Part 3

Now granted i probably do suffer from some mental anguish at one level or another... thus, making me quite certifiable to some, that i have no doubt of... However, it's most disconcerting to be the only human being (out of 8 billion) with the data to prove the divine existence of God to the satisfaction of billions of doubting Thoma's worldwide...


Yes, Bill I'm going to lay a 21st-century bombshell on you because I'm reaching out for the first time in years. don't know why i was chosen to be the reluctant possessor of this data. & to tell you the truth, I'd graciously sell it tomorrow to the highest bidder in the Vatican if there was such a thing as truly possessing a free will too do so.. scratch that Bill, i was speaking a bit rhetorically here...

I wanted to contact you months ago, while you're movie was still at the show... but I lost my nerve at the last minute... now before I continue I've attempted several times to destroy the data. Just erasing it was not enough I wanted to burn it to a crisp & bury the ashes deep in the ground... but, every time I tried to just destroy it i was unable too bring myself to a full commitment too do so...

The electromagnetic DATA = absolute tangible physical proof = frightening imagery that would hold up in any court of law as 100% factual. Bill I'm sure you also realize that the population of this planet is approaching 8 billion now. That means a terrorist attack could take out millions tomorrow, and we would just dig a couple million holes bury a couple million corpses mourn over the dead for a few weeks before returning to the status quo, as though nothing happened...

Bill that's the key to the many troubles that now plague this Earth?... "Human Density"

I've held onto this data for over 20 years now, afraid? Yes, I'm obviously a coward scared to release it on the World Wide Web for fear of the grave consequences that would soon follow this foolhardy action... A possible religious World War III I fear...

Time to tell a little something about this impossible to fake (without creating a digital distortion & corrupted the color video signature) too the data in question?


We'll it's not that Virgin Mary character on toast if that's any consolation to you. let's just say that according to this electromagnetic slow scan imagery, i now know (beyond any doubt whatsoever) that angels do have wings & demons don't. I also know without any doubt that those atmospheric anomalies such as severe life-threatening thunderstorms & the tornadoes they produce , are not random events...

Anonymous said...

Part 4

No, the data proves conclusively that those religious prophecies are not predictions at all. No, in a general sense, predicting the future is solely based on some supernatural elements... These now in the world & hard at work things. Programmed like a computer to in-act a preordained time-frame set by the creator to fulfill one single purpose? too create that end of days prophecy jazz...

believe me Bill as a middle aged stranger your movie trailer kinda gave me a little courage to open up & too expose this secret I've been reluctantly holding back for years...

how amazing that a simple family video containing a few choice paranormal elements could become so devastating to a world that no longer believes in anything of a spiritual nature...

I contemplated destroying the data & committing suicide for I just wanted all this to finally end... Wanted to do it as a slap in the face to he who allowed me to record the event... yes Bill next too Lucifer I hate this God character that much.

I'm not what you might call religious, just a bit confused. I too question everything including thee motive. like, why was I allowed to record these taboo images... i mean, since this God character whom I hate with all my heart, mind & soul is all-knowing? I must assume that even though the world knows nothing about this data. It's no secret to him that I possess it... the most painful aspect of being in a position to actually blackmail God! Is figuring out how this action can be accomplished without causing irreversible damage... Like for what purpose was this flesh thing allowed to record these disturbing images?

NO REST

Heck, can't no longer enjoy the sheer thrill of being hit by a severe thunderstorm anymore... Yes, Bill since recording these images back in 1989 that's one thing I truly miss now. If I really do have the power to deflect (at short-range) these killer storms that threaten to destroy buildings & murder human beings, why not share it with the World...

Sorry Bill got carried away here...stop: Now contemplating a course of action that will end my wretched existence on this spinning globe for keeps.... i don't want to be the one who starts WW III...

later or sooner? whatever the case may be

Black Sheep

My evil e-mail address

blacksheep _ hellishot @yahoo.com

Bryan said...

Bill, I wanted to comment on your appearance on Larry King the other night. On the subject of what are we going to eat with the oceans are dead, I'm really surprised that you missed the answer: Soylent Green! An extremely prescient "science fiction" movie whose fiction has greatly diminished towards fact. The murder that begins the movie and which Charlton Heston investigates is over a book--a report about how the oceans are dead! Watch it!

Anonymous said...

satire is at times a good thing, but from movies like idiocracy to most shows on tv there is shown in americans a lack of willpower, stupidity, and caustic criticism of just about everything. there are tracts of historical evidence showing how nations came back to power. some say it was ingenuity, some say it was war, but the common factor was morale. with a strong can-do sense people can do anything, particularly we the people. (the more the better)
the media is now a huge part of everyone's lives, even a hint of hope can make things happen.

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Rasmus said...

HALLO MR. MAHER

I JUST SAW YOUR LATEST DOCUMENTARY "RELIGULOUS" THE OTHER DAY, AND YOU GOT ALL MY RESPECT FOR THAT. I MUST SAY IT WAS SAD AFTERWARDS TO WATCH YOUR SHOW ABOUT THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM, BUT MORE SPECIFIC ABOUT VACCINATION. I LOST ALL MY RESPECT TO YOU IN A SECOND.

DON'T YOU GET ANYTHING ABOUT HOW MEDICIN WORKS? DON'T YOU DO SOME BACKGROUND RESEARCH BEFORE MAKING A SHOW?

I'M SURE YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW A VACCINE WORK, SO LET ME EXPLANE IT, BRIEFLY: YOU ARE INJECTED BY A LITTLE BIT OF THE VIRUS OR BACTERIA YOU WISH YOUR BODY TO BE RESISTANT AGAINST. THE VIRUS OR BACTERIA IS ALREADDY HARMLESS. SOME WHITE BLOOD CELLS WILL NOW BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THE THREAT IF YOUR BODY GETS INFECTED ANOTHER TIME, FROM THE SURFACE PROTEINS OF THE VIRUS OR BACTERIA.
BUT IT SHOULD NOT BE NECESSARY FOR ME TO TELL YOU THIS, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO PAY SOMEONE, MUCH SMARTER THAN ME TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.

I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU, THAT WHEN YOU SAY THE STOFF THAT YOU SAY ABOUT HEALTHCARE, TO ME, you SOUNDS JUST AS CRAZY AS SOME OF THOSE RELIGIOUS MANIACS YOU INTEVIEW, MAKE FUN OF AND DISAGREE WITH.
BUT MR. MAHER. EVERYONE CAN ARGUE WITH RELIGION AND HAVE A OPINION, BUT SCIENCE, IT TAKES AN EDUCATION TO BE ABLE TO QUESTION, OR AT LEAST TO UNDERSTAND.

SO PLEASE DON'T INTRODUCE YOUR PSEUDOSCIENCE ON TELEVISON. IF YOU REALLY BELIVE IN THAT GODLIKE CRAP, SHOT UP AND KEEP IT TO YOURSELF LIKE RELIGIOUS PEOPLE SHOULD DO, AND LET THE SCIENTIST WHO HAS SPEND MORE THAN 30 MIN. ON GOOGLE, DO THE TALKING.

BY THE WAY, I AM SORRY THAT I USE THIS PAGE, THIS BLOG TO EXPRESS MY SELF, BUT I COULD NOT FIND A PERSONAL EMAIL, OR A BETTER FORUM.

HOPE YOU GET TO READ THIS.
REGARDS, A 19 YEARS OLD KID FROM DENMARK WHO APPARENTLY KNOWS MUCH MORE THAN YOU.

LOUIS KRASS said...

HAVE A DRINK - A HISTORY LESSON

WHAT’S A NAME GO TO DO WITH IT

Once upon a time England sought usurp the right of the respective thirteen colonies right to impose internal taxes. Disgruntled Bostonians found this rather rude, and held a tea party, but used salt water instead of fresh to show their dissatisfaction with the usurper. This prelude to the war of independence was the first, but not the last insurrection against taxation.

Or new federal government in need of revenue imposed an excise tax on whiskey in 1791. This upset farmers in the western counties of Pennsylvania who engaged in a series of attacks on the revenue agents, and became the lightning rod for a wide variety of grievances by the settlers of the region against the federal government.

When in August of 1794, the Pennsylvanian’s refused President Washington’s order to cease and desist issued a proclamation, he mobilized an army of militia, with himself at the head, and suppressed the uprising.

The self-styled Tea Party’s name is clearly a misnomer. They are not rebelling against a foreign power’s usurpation of the right of the United State’s to tax. They, as did the whisky rebels, are disgruntled by the power of the federal government to tax. Therefore, to honor history, the Tea Party should properly be addressed as the Whisky Party, which should mix nicely with the cool aid.

Louis Krass, “WHAT’S A NME GO TO DO WITH IT”, August 25, 2010 ©
lklaw@sbcglobal.net

adamjsteinberg said...

My name is Adam Steinberg and I wonder or worry a little more everyday…is there any light left in the world? I have a good job, a great girlfriend, a black lab who has lived 14 years and is still wanting to play catch. I am not talking about depression or morals. I have no problems if people are gay, straight, religious, not religious, republican or democrat, Sunni or shite and the list goes on. I am worried about the light in humanity and the way we treat not just the people we hate, or whose views on life make are skin crawl. I am worried that the people we say we love the most and would do anything for are no longer the priority in our hearts. People speak of God and well I am here to tell you I AM GOD, and YOU ARE GOD. That is the way we look at the world today and it is the way we treat it. Like it owes us something and until my needs are met then everyone and even my own mother can go fuck herself because I am GOD!!!

Is it possible that one day we can wake up in the morning and say I AM NOT GOD but I am going to treat someone else like they are? But I am not talking about a wife, sister, friend, co-worker or even a stranger. Is it possible to treat the person you despise, hate, who hurt you physically or emotionally, committed genocide against your own kind, killed a family member…the list is endless. Is it possible that you or I could wake up one morning and treat the person who hurt us the worst like GOD for one day?

Well until we start trying my question is ” IS THERE ANY LIGHT LEFT IN THE WORLD?”

I like your show and you have opened my eyes to a few things. No I am not in the Bill Maher Fan club but I decided to start telling the truth so here it is.

Shadowulf said...

This is a copy of a letter I sent to Micheal Moore when I read his blog he posted today use it how you will because if you speak about it then it will make what happened to me and my family harder to do to someone else.

Since I cannot post the whole thing I will post the link to my blog "Rants of a Hillbilly Viking" where I posted the letter at also for my readers as well. as I see it anyway to get the message across

Anonymous said...

Bill, I will not watch you on HBO because I can't afford to pay for the service. What I'm paying for TV service is overpriced as it is.

But I do see you on Larry King from time to time and I must say that I agree with just about every point of view you have! We need more of what you think in this world!

Abie

Anonymous said...

Douche!!!

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