Monday, May 24, 2010

QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER” - MAY 21, 2010

Friday, May 21, 2010



QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER”



Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, May 21st, 2010. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.



Every time this guy opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that liberal media stop quoting him in context.

- Bill Maher in his opening monologue, regarding Rand Paul



Good news in the oil situation. BP said they found a way to start breaking up their oil slick. The bad news is it involves a toxic chemical called Corexit 9527A … Apparently this is moving us further from a solution and closer to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

- Bill Maher in his opening monologue



Sunday, listen to this, they’re going to try something new. They’re going to try what they call a “top kill.” That’s where they shove a fluid that looks a lot like mud down into the well. I hope this works because the next idea involves Bruce Willis and an asteroid.

- Bill Maher in his opening monologue



General Electric is now recalling a million coffee makers because they, um, catch fire. Well, they said you have to admit that will wake you up and get you out of the house.

- Bill Maher in his opening monologue



Gold has no intrinsic value. And if you’re really worried about, say inflation rising, I would by Spam. You know, you can eat Spam, you cannot eat gold.

- Economist Nouriel Roubini



New Rule: California, the state with the most debt and the most marijuana dispensaries must be allowed to avoid bankruptcy by selling weed to neighboring states. That's how we will get out of this budget crisis - by holding a "baked sale." It's the perfect solution. We needs the cash and Arizona needs to chill the f**k out.

- Bill Maher, in his “New Rules” segment



New Rule: Don’t put that in your mouth. A new study finds that dangerous drug-resistant staph infections in children have increased tenfold over the past decade. And for you little ones out there, the infection eats you alive and then you never see Mommy and Daddy again. And you get it from being on a plane and kicking the back of my seat.

- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment



New Rule: Convenience stores can sell beer but they can’t make it. Yes, introducing 7-11’s own beer called Game Day, which can get you so drunk you might even buy one of those hot dogs that have been spinning since the Reagan administration.

- Bill Maher, in his “New Rules” segment

This week's guests were Michael Eric Dyson, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, John Fund, Patton Oswalt and Nouriel Roubini

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Aloha Bill, I subscribe to HBO just for your program. I feel that you are on point 90% of the time, but your ill informed stance on Arizona being one of your stupidiest states is not correct! As a born and raised Arizonan, like 73% of all AZ residents, this new law to go in effect is the correct one! Altho' violent crime is down, just under 20% of AZ crime is cimmited by illegals. But you never hear any of these real statists on the news, especially, the broadcasters. And our welfare system that creates Anchor babies is costing Arizonans and ALL Americans plenty, actually creating loss of jobs and loss of income for ALL legal residents! Case in point, my friend married a legal Mexican, they have 4 grown adults from 28-19 years. The family has always worked in the restaurant business and was able to make living wages. But the two youngest boys could not find work. Once this law was passed, the young men were finally able to wash the dishes, wait tables and cook for the customers! Now our legal Americans and American born Mexicans can make a living for themselves and their families! I feel for the Mexican plight too, but I want legal Americans to be able to work here in their own country by not having illegals steal their potential for jobs that they are willing to do! Most of the illegals, at the moment, have fled to Texas is our understanding. Now they must deal with the issue that our gov't refuses to address. So please, revisit this issue with seeking out more information, learning the real circumstances and facts! Perhaps, one must be a little more poor, like us, to mix and mingle with the middle class down here struggling more than ever to survive in their America, while the elite and rich simply cannot see the unintended consequences of their actions by not inforcing laws already on the books and creating new laws that actually deny legal Americans the right to try and capture some of the American dream! It is not America's place to try and solve the many problems of the world and try and turn all of the world's economy into one that our corrupt corporate entities can suck in and rape! For now, Good Luck to all legals, we need it, man! Mahalo, Lynne, a teacher in Arizona. :)

Penny Rose said...

Hi Bill!
I just started watching your show "Real Time" almost a month ago, after a friend of mine talked me into watching your film, "Religulous" -which I think is the greatest film about religion since Monty Python's "Life of Brian"-. I was impressed to see that there are people who are not afraid to say what they believe, especially on such important issues like politics and religion.
Unfortunatelly, the only way for me to watch "Real Time" is on YouTube, since I live in Greece and the only way we can get quality television over here is through internet.
Anyway, I just wanted to congratulate you on all those great things you have done so far (Politically Incorrect, Religulous and Real Time) and point out that your opinions and the way you pass them is an inspiration for many people; and I am one of them. So, take care and keep up the good work! :)

A Arriaga said...

The Arizona immigration law has nothing to do with going after cleaning ladies!! Arizona has the 2nd highest kidnapping rate in the WORLD!! The border towns are under siege! You think all those criminals are legal Americans that just flock to AZ to commit their crimes? And your audience cheers that idiot statement!? You may be doing it for comedic value but your audience can't tell the difference! Get a clue moron! You're not helping this country, you're hurting it! I used to watch your show even though your a teabagging republican basher(god forbid we disagree on things), that it results in personal attacks on us. You're not even worth watching anymore. Just deleted you from my DVR.

s said...

Stange, but true:

I have reported GA Congressman John Linder's partnership with my former employer Patrick Stansbury of Pentagon Publishing, Inc. Snellville, GA www.pentagon-usa.com in importing major illegal drugs via the US Air Force via Maxwell AFB and shipped (at least in the late 90s) by the son of the AF General heading US Air War College, not only to FBI and local law enforcement but after hearing out-ot-the-blue from Obama strategist www.tomhouck.com , to Obama's org and GOP leadership. Democrats seemed to be concerned, but now seem helping to cooperate in cover-up. Newt Gingrich was previously in charge and I was arrested and held in jail for a minor and bogus charge for months in 1990 when I tried to expose this plot earlier.

Also, I worked for Tennessee Williams and can prove agents of Republican Party have stolen most of the proceeds of his plays since his death to pay for Republican Party black ops. See some of my references in reviews of my book (John Lahr and Thomas Keith are involved in the plot. Kenneth Holdich is a Williams cousin and top Wms scholar. Larry Myers possibly came from another planet.) Bottom line: I am the only person who was with Jackie Onassis and TW at Jean Stein and George Plimpton's party 1/10/82 when she convinced him for good reason to write the codicil which would have transferred management of his estate from Sewanee to Harvard. I knew the people NYC lawyer Michael Remer, TW "friend" Maria St. Just (b. Maria Britneva), and TW's personal attorney and 1st brother-in-law of Paul McCartney, John Eastman bribed to claim TW was incompetent. I saw them go from destitute to wealthy and one was kept in high style by a Republican politician high in Tennessee State Legislature (Republican), or so Schuyler Wyatt claimed.

I am related to the Kenans of Chapel Hill, NC, and have had their help in some of this. Also will get with Harvard to correct the fate of TW's estate as soon as politics settles down. No one can sue me for libel, and they have not been able to commit me to a mental hospital (five attempts so far) or successfully poison me.

See my book's site: www.walkingonglass.net
Political blog: scottkenan.blogspot.com

Scott D. Kenan
903 Second St.
Stone Mountain, GA 30083
scott@scottkenan.com

Dennis W. Hall said...

Dear Bill, I've always loved your show especially when you talk about the drug companies. I just recently lost my mom last month and hours after she died in the course of helping my Dad and Grandma (Who has had Dementia/Alzheimer's , or so we were told for the last few years!!)organize their medications I discovered some shocking facts.
I'm from New Jersey and I became so angry with this story that I am grieving the old school Jersey way and doing something about it. I did a video Public Service Announcement at CarolynsCause.org with link to Video on Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/dennis.w.hall?v=app_2318966938#!/group.php?gid=117833688234026&ref=mf
In Loving Memory of my mom Carolyn D. Hall, I honor her by telling our story in hopes of saving people just a small part of the needless pain and suffering our family went through. Please watch the video and pass the link. The Facebook "CarolynsCause" page I started now has over 200 members in just a couple of weeks and video on YouTube soon. Thanks so much Bill. Keep up the fight.
Dennis "just a stupid actor that acted like a doctor for several hours and saved my Grandma the rest of her life in a nursing home" Hall

mike said...

If anyone should read this Bill Maher fans should. In my county in Florida an atheist teacher was doused in holy water by two other teachers
http://blogs.browardpalmbeach.com/juice/2010/05/holy_water_splash_leads_to_rel.php

Anonymous said...

Hello, long time fan from Europe. I have a great suggestion for your panel: Slavoj Zizek. Check him out, he is both controversial (he is a marxist), but more importantly, he is quite a character. It would be great to watch him interact with you and all the other guests at the program. If you dont know who he is you can check out videos with him on youtube. Please consider him!

Carlos said...

Hello Bill, how are you?! Hope you're fine!

I hope you can read this message, I imagine that you receive too many, and you're a very busy man, it was not easy to find a way to contact you!

I'm your #1 fan in Brazil, I just love your comedy acts, and your very intelligent, sarcastic criticism!

Yet I'm writing this letter to you to give youa a suggestion that, in my opinion, would be of great value to the atheist/secular comunity, and a big blow to the absurd faith of Christians, especially Americans and Brazilians (that are "flour the same brush ").

It is proposed that you invite William Lane Craig for a TV-network debate!

You see, Craig is currently the number one hero of the Christians! He is that guy who asked Richard Dawkins to debate, but Richard declined many times (claiming Craig was not important).

In fact Craig is a professional debater and highly misleading, he can at times say things that even when we know they are not true, it strikes and cuts the opponent's reasoning.

I believe that debate with him would not be as simple as mock Christianity (Although some irony is always timely and comic), but you would require a little research and studies on the arguments he uses, and which arguments hits him. (I know them and I can anticipate some of your work, if you like! )

I, as an atheist, would love to see this lies promoter being humbled by an amazing debater and thinker like you. I do not think there is someone more appropriate.
I saw him to debate with Christopher Hitchens, and it was not productive to Hitchens, thats has been so lazy as an apartment's apartment!

Sam Harris would be a good opponent for Craig as he is very clear on his arguments, but I think he is too much nice, even nicer that Dawkins, so he can't give to Craig what he deserves.

Than I think the ONLY PERSON who could really bring down the house of Craig doing it through a historical grievance would be YOU! You're the man!
Nobody could be more appropriate, what I think, creates some responsibility...

I do not want to extend too much, I just let my congratulations and wish you a long long heath life, I know you from many years and consider you a intellectual hero, especially for yours irreverent way of addressing the issues that our hypocritical society pretends not to see!

Thank very much, and if you want to respond, you can write to carloszarref at gmail dot com.
Goodbye!

Carlos
Brazil

Debugger said...

The huge oil leak in the Gulf with all the tar and muck finding its way on shore and polluting the beaches could very well be the end of the world’s financial crisis. This is how it works...we already got the technology that has made the enormous oil deposits in the tar sands in Alberta Canada profitable …well… this can now be used to clean up the beaches...and not only that, the government will pay you for it!! Can ya imagine the trends? Knock off the risers on those offshore rigs, make 'em bubble into the ocean, then when it finds it way on shore, we can scrape up that shit in our Hummers with the portable oil/sand separator strapped to the tailgate. Yeah, let's get a 6-pack and head for the beach to scoop up the tar balls!! The guys with all those Donzi power boats can do the same with an oil/water separator hooked on the ski rope. XOM will have a tank truck located on shore and tanker offshore to receive all the oil and will only cost you $1/bbl for them to take it. You'll be able to buy one of those separators, oil or sand, ‘made in China’ at Wal-Mart for only $ 75,000 but the hummer and power boat is extra. And think of the food supply, all those oil soaked birds and fish washed up on shore…but we’ll need to process them before they start to stink then feed all the third world countries!!! Those big oil guys think of everything!!! Money, money, money! Think of the rampant Hummer and Donzi boat sales, separator manufacturers puttin' people back to work so they can pay their mortgage… This is like the proverbial optimist, wherever there’s dog shit, there’s gotta be a puppy!!! Oh and the oysters should be easier to open all greased up…

Lewis Black Reminds my friends of... me said...

Bill,

Be sure to use your credit card "reward points" before they expire. Yes, thats your thank you reach around from predatory money lenders and you are eligible, even if you can afford to pay off your credit card each month. At 30% interest & double digit unemployment, that makes you the anomaly.

Its a good thing I'm not a banker, because I would go postal and kill all the other bankers. This would make me the only banker left, so I would be too important to prosecute. Then I would give politicians free money and great loan deals and then blackmail them, rip off all the depositors and send my goons to beat up debtors. What the Hell, you only live once, I might even start a war.

a.d.filipini said...

you got to see this footage of the oil spill. this is in protest!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57mdqz2CdZs

Scott said...

NEW RULE: BP must officially change it's corporate name to:

Black Pelican

CanadianConservative said...

Do not buy the party line. Maher thinks all scientists are on board with global warming or climate change or whatever the koolaid drinkers are calling it these days. In fact, most of the IPCC are NOT scientists and it's about 50/50 among the experts.

Here are a few.....

Read "Heaven and Earth: Global Warming, the Missing Science" by Pilmer.


Al Gore says any scientist who disagrees with him on Global Warming is a kook, or a crook.

Guess he never met these guys

Dr. Edward Wegman--former chairman of the Committee on Applied and Theoretical Statistics of the National Academy of Sciences--demolishes the famous "hockey stick" graph that launched the global warming panic.

Dr. David Bromwich--president of the International Commission on Polar Meteorology--says "it's hard to see a global warming signal from the mainland of Antarctica right now."

Prof. Paul Reiter--Chief of Insects and Infectious Diseases at the famed Pasteur Institute--says "no major scientist with any long record in this field" accepts Al Gore's claim that global warming spreads mosquito-borne diseases.

Prof. Hendrik Tennekes--director of research, Royal Netherlands Meteorological Institute--states "there exists no sound theoretical framework for climate predictability studies" used for global warming forecasts.

Dr. Christopher Landsea--past chairman of the American Meteorological Society's Committee on Tropical Meteorology and Tropical Cyclones--says "there are no known scientific studies that show a conclusive physical link between global warming and observed hurricane frequency and intensity."

Dr. Antonino Zichichi--one of the world's foremost physicists, former president of the European Physical Society, who discovered nuclear antimatter--calls global warming models "incoherent and invalid."

Dr. Zbigniew Jaworowski--world-renowned expert on the ancient ice cores used in climate research--says the U.N. "based its global-warming hypothesis on arbitrary assumptions and these assumptions, it is now clear, are false."

Prof. Tom V. Segalstad--head of the Geological Museum, University of Oslo--says "most leading geologists" know the U.N.'s views "of Earth processes are implausible."

More to follow.....

CanadianConservative said...

Dr. Zbigniew Jaworowski--world-renowned expert on the ancient ice cores used in climate research--says the U.N. "based its global-warming hypothesis on arbitrary assumptions and these assumptions, it is now clear, are false."

Prof. Tom V. Segalstad--head of the Geological Museum, University of Oslo--says "most leading geologists" know the U.N.'s views "of Earth processes are implausible."

Dr. Syun-Ichi Akasofu--founding director of the International Arctic Research Center, twice named one of the "1,000 Most Cited Scientists," says much "Arctic warming during the last half of the last century is due to natural change."

Dr. Claude Allegre--member, U.S. National Academy of Sciences and French Academy of Science, he was among the first to sound the alarm on the dangers of global warming. His view now: "The cause of this climate change is unknown."

Dr. Richard Lindzen--Professor of Meteorology at M.I.T., member, the National Research Council Board on Atmospheric Sciences and Climate, says global warming alarmists "are trumpeting catastrophes that couldn't happen even if the models were right."

Dr. Habibullo Abdussamatov--head of the space research laboratory of the Russian Academy of Science's Pulkovo Observatory and of the International Space Station's Astrometria project says "the common view that man's industrial activity is a deciding factor in global warming has emerged from a misinterpretation of cause and effect relations."

Dr. Richard Tol--Principal researcher at the Institute for Environmental Studies at Vrije Universiteit, and Adjunct Professor at the Center for Integrated Study of the Human Dimensions of Global Change, at Carnegie Mellon University, calls the most influential global warming report of all time "preposterous . . . alarmist and incompetent."

Dr. Sami Solanki--director and scientific member at the Max Planck Institute for Solar System Research in Germany, who argues that changes in the Sun's state, not human activity, may be the principal cause of global warming: "The sun has been at its strongest over the past 60 years and may now be affecting global temperatures."

Prof. Freeman Dyson--one of the world's most eminent physicists says the models used to justify global warming alarmism are "full of fudge factors" and "do not begin to describe the real world."

Dr. Eigils Friis-Christensen--director of the Danish National Space Centre, vice-president of the International Association of Geomagnetism and Aeronomy, who argues that changes in the Sun's behavior could account for most of the warming attributed by the UN to man-made CO2.

Anonymous said...

Rather than expressing his rather shallow thoughts on sophisticated issues, Bill should invite the following:
1. Noam Chomsky to discuss Israel and the Middle East Peace Process (or lack thereof);
2. John Stossel to discuss libertarianism;
3. Lord Monckton to discuss climate change and energy policies.
I've been watching all season and I don't think Bill has said an intelligent thing yet. In addition to being a dolt, I recall Bill being extremely rude to the female republican who had the nerve to suggest that the science on climate change was not settled. This show no longer is a fair and balanced discussion about current affairs but instead has become a collection of sycophants espousing Bill's, the Democrats and the Greenies' political slant! And, Van Jones? Seriously, why would anyone listen to his ridiculous opinions? And, yes I know, I don't have to watch, and though I used to enjoy the show, I will never watch again (unless he has some guests with legitimate opposing views as well).

Desmond Ravenstone said...

Christine O'Donnell ... <a href="http://ravenstonesreflections.blogspot.com/2010/09/problem-with-christine-odonnell.html>seriously, folks</a>

.livejournal.com said...

I must say that last night's show (9/24/10) of yours was one of the worst we've ever seen.

1. How can you dignify a low-life, liar, and trouble-maker like Andrew Breitbart, by bringing him on your show?

2. How could you allow Amy Holmes to spew out all those ‘false GOP Talking Point poisons,’ without disputing them; thereby, seemingly agreeing with them? If you’re unfamiliar with the true, real and correct facts/statistics (and so able to set her straight), don't bring right-wing guests to your show. For if that's what we wanted to hear we'd (God forbid) be listening to FOX NEWS instead!

Bottom lining it: Become more informed, so that you can "correctly" answer a fool according to his/her folly.

Thank you.

O.R.

meldanty said...

Maher
You're an idiot. Please explain to me how everything came into being without GOD! And with all your expertise and intelligence please tell me exactly how long does it take for evolution to happen?

Desmond Ravenstone said...

@meldanty:

1) OK, then where did God come from? And if God did not need to come from somewhere else, then why does the universe need to come from somewhere else?

2) Evolution takes as long as it takes. There is no set "recipe" for one species to emerge from another; there are only the right conditions and pressures leading to that.

By the way ... You do know that there are folks who believe in God and accept the validity of evolution? And if you didn't, then who are you to call anyone else an idiot?

Spring said...

About Christine: how could you?

I thought she was your friend. You led her to believe you were friends.

I am disappointed in you.

Debugger said...

meldanty
if you believe there is a god, let me take you to a childrens hospital or the rubble in Gaza with women and children vaporized with DIME bombs and if this god was that great, why would he create greed?

Anonymous said...

Mr. Maher,

I am just wondering if you would openly rebuke the Islamic faith for their beliefs like you do the Chrisitan faith. Just a thought

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