Wednesday, May 22, 2013

How to Become a Global Warming Denier

By Bill Maher

Global warming denial can be both fun and easy! While the science of climate change is complicated (sometimes you even need a PhD in physics or chemistry to understand it!) our quick, ten-minute seminar on how to become a global warming denier will put you on the path to irritate your friends, family, and co-workers in no time! You'll come off as so willfully obstinate and impervious to evidence, they won't even be sure they like you anymore!

Yes, it's just that simple. All you need to do is master these three simple steps and you, too, can be a global warming denier!

Step 1:

First, state that -- hello! -- the earth's climate has always been changing! Which is true! Also entirely irrelevant, but true! I mean, it's not like global warming scientists are unaware of the earth's climate history, so pointing it out won't make them go, "Oh, shit! Really? You mean my life's work has all been for nothing? What an asshole I am!" Yes, pointing this fact out doesn’t prove or disprove anything. But congratulations! It works on rubes. And you've taken your first step toward being a global warming denier!

Step 2:

Next, state that the science on the subject is still in doubt. This is also highly misleading, but it is true that there are still a tiny minority of scientists who don't buy it, so just call it a wash. Who's to say who is correct? Let's not rush to judgment, amirite?

Tip: Recite the following: "I'm not the one who is being irrational, my opponent is! I'm being cautious and reasonable."

Step 3:

Finally -- and this is very important if you want to play with the big boys -- you master one obscure, true, but highly misleading fact about global warming. Like, "If the earth is warming so dangerously, how come sea ice in the Antarctic is actually increasing!" Which is true, but consistent with global warming theory. Who cares? It sounds like you've just won a point, so you have! What's the global warming supporter going to do, explain how circumpolar currents work on live TV? The segment on Hannity is almost over, and I think we know who has won!

Bonus: If you really want to blow their minds, point out that, in the 70s, Newsweek ran a cover story on predictions of global cooling. That's right -- cooling! These same scientists who are now saying warming used to be saying cooling! Which also is absurd on its face, since we're talking about a Newsweek cover story and a handful of scientists, not the overwhelming judgment of every major scientific body on the planet and decades of peer-reviewed studies published in scientific journals worldwide, but no one can deny that the Newsweek cover story existed. You're practically telling the truth!

Yes, it's just that simple. So call now to receive the "How To Become a Global Warming Denier!" book and DVD today!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

"I mean, it's not like global warming scientists are unaware of the earth's climate history, so pointing it out won't make them go, "Oh, shit! Really? You mean my life's work has all been for nothing? What an asshole I am!" "

hahaha!

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