QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER” - MAY 7, 2010

Friday, May 7, 2010



QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER”



Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, May 7th, 2010. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.



I have to get to this first. I’m not gonna lie, it’s not the most important story of the week, it’s just the one I like the best. … George Rekers, the co-founder of a far-Right Christian group called the Family Research Council, sounds very scientific. It’s not. This man devoted his life to curing homosexuality. And you know, people have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re definitely gay! They are 100% sausage-smoking, Barbara Streisand-loving, Project Runway-ready gay.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue



Mr. George Rekers was caught this week on a European vacation with a 20 year-old male hooker. And his excuse, the first excuse, was that he needed someone to carry his luggage. … Rekers said he could have just bought one of those rolling suitcases, but they look so gay.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue



At first the Taliban claimed credit and then as the week went on and we found out about this guy they said, “No, we have nothing to do with him.” … The Taliban said, “The next time we want to wreak mass destruction on America, we’ll hire BP.”

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue, regarding the attempted bombing in Times Square



The car bomb was fertilizer, gasoline, fireworks and propane tanks, still safer than a Toyota.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue



This guy had some sort of training over there in Pakistan, You get the feeling when they showed him how to make the car bomb he said great, now how do I get the SUV on the plane.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue



When you have nothing to lose, it’s probably the best situation to be in for a comedian. I think that, you know, being sent to sleep-away camp ever since you’re six and just wetting the bed every night is so humiliating that, I mean it’s not the holocaust, but it’s probably, it’s second worst.

- Sarah Silverman



You’re show on the holocaust was very funny. And I’ve never used that sentence before.

- Bill Maher to Sarah Silverman



I think that I would like to adopt a mentally retarded baby … When you do something like that, you don’t just do something like that. You have to be very honest with yourself and even accept the ugliest thoughts. For instance, one caveat of adopting a mentally challenged baby might be, best case scenario, you die at 100 of old age, you’re worried about who’s going to take care of your elderly, mentally handicapped child. So I found a solution for me, that works for me. I am going to adopt a mentally retarded baby with a terminal illness.

- Sarah Silverman



New Rule: If President Obama is going to keep saying, “We will not be terrorized,” he has to show he means it by letting us take our gels and liquids back on the plane. Hey, we’re Americans, of course we’re terrified—being afraid is what we do best. The stars and stripes should be replaced by Shaggy and Scooby-Doo, running for their lives.

- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment



New Rule: Hollywood needs a new coroner. When Brittany Murphy and Corey Haim are ruled to have died from “natural causes”, and Michael Jackson’s autopsy report says he was in “good health”, it’s time to stop using Dr. Whitney Houston.

- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment



This week's guests were Salman Rushdie, Alexis Glick, David Frum, Alan Brinkley and Sarah Silverman.