QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER" - JULY 31 2009

Friday, July 31st, 2009

QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER

Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, July 31st, 2009. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.

I know why you’re happy: racism is over and we did it with a beer
-Bill Maher in his opening monologue

There was one little awkward moment. When he arrived at the White House,he got out of the car,and he threw Obama his keys.
-Bill Maher in his opening monologue about Sergeant Crowley

You can take your old gas-guzzling clunker to your GM dealer and trade it in on a new gas-guzzling clunker.
-Bill Maher in his opening monologue about “cash for clunkers”

I think its great that we have a President who we can see having a beer cause he isn’t a dry drunk.
-Bill Maher


My great fear is that Congress is gonna get power over the Fed. That’s the nightmare scenario. We have those crazy people on the hill starting to control American policy. Then I really will go back to Britain.
-Harvard Professor Niall Ferguson who is British

He is Michael Jordan playing on a bad team. There’s nobody to pass the ball to.
-Bill Maher about President Obama and Congress

I think we should airlift all the women out of Afghanistan for 40 years so that the Taliban can’t reproduce and then bring them back and start from scratch.
-Joe Queenan

It’s funny for me to be asked to speak on behalf of women.
-Rachel Maddow

FROM THE NEW RULES SEGMENT

New Rule: From now on, to save valuable airtime, news outlets must only report when a ballplayer is discovered to be not on steroids.

-Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment


New Rule: Never underestimate the ability of a tiny fringe group of losers to ruin everything. For the past couple of weeks we’ve all been laughing heartily at the wacky antics of the “birthers”—the far-right goofballs who claim Obama wasn’t really born in Hawaii and therefore the job of president goes to the runner-up, Miss California Carrie Prejean. And there’s nothing you can do to convince these people—you could hand them, in person, the original birth certificate, with the placenta, and have a video of Obama emerging from the womb with Don Ho singing in the background and they still wouldn’t believe it.

-Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment


This week's guests were Rachel Maddow, Niall Ferguson, Joe Queenan, Michael Ware and Jeff Sharlet.