Friday, February 17, 2012
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, February 17, 2012. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
Have you seen this guy, Jeremy Lin? Oh my God, this guy is blowing up. He’s like two weeks away from marrying a Kardashian.
- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue
The proof is in the stats. This guy [Jeremy Lin] has scored more points in his first five starts than any player in NBA history. Typical, isn’t it? One high-scoring Asian ruins the curve for the rest of us.
- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue
He [Rick Santorum] doesn’t like sex. He doesn’t like the pill. He really doesn’t like condoms. He said if men are going to pull something on to prevent procreation, nothing works better that a sweater vest.
- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue
Mitt Romney could lose his home state of Michigan. He keeps shooting himself in the foot. He wrote an Op-Ed in the Detroit newspaper reminding them that he opposed the automobile bailout. And then he kicked off his Wisconsin “fuck cheese” tour.
- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue
The problem now is, and this is what’s getting me crazy, is that we have a problem with prescription drugs that is massive. It started with Heath Ledgerr and when that poor guy died … I thought, that this is the beginning of a tsunami where we’re going to see public figures going one after the other. And I feel impotent and sad that I couldn’t have done more. … And it’s not going to stop here.
- Dr. Drew Pinsky
Think of all the rock stars from the 60s and 70s and 80s. Absent IV heroin, if you were not an IV heroin user, which people die of … for the most part, if you were a poly-drug user and you did not go to pharmaceuticals, you are still with us today. As soon as they went to pharmaceuticals, they’re dead. It’s very subtle. It’s very pernicious. And the thinking is so disturbed because, hey, I’m just doing what my doctor told me.
- Dr. Drew Pinsky
I’ve heard all these tributes this week pouring in for Whitney Houston. And you know, when we heard it, it was just sadness. That’s all there is. … The one part where I get mad, and I think a lot of people might feel the same way, is the kid. … Don’t bring your kid to the club. You know, that’s number one in the Wayans’ book of hundred and fifty ways you know you’re too ghetto. Don’t bring your kid with you to the club. And this idea that parents should be friends with their kids drives me up the fucking wall.
- Bill Maher
And who is the savior that walks in? Sarah Palin? Please Jesus, Sarah Palin. Please. I’ll go back to church if Sarah Palin is the nominee.
- Bill Maher on the possibility of a brokered convention
Let me answer your question about what happens if Mitt Romney loses Michigan. There’s a lot of bed wetting goes on in the Republican Party.
- Stephen Moore
There’s a deeper problem here which is there are three Republican Parties. There’s the Libertarian Republican Party of Ron Paul. There’s the social conservative Party of Santorum. And then there’s the traditional corporate leadership Party of Mitt Romney. The three of them cannot coalesce around anybody and that’s why Romney can’t get above the thirty percent.
- Eliot Spitzer
He [Mitt Romney] really can’t attack Santorum because he can’t … be to the left because he’s so suspect to the Republican base as a conservative that he cannot in any way got to the left. … But he can’t be to the right to Rick Santorum cause there’s nothing to the right except Kirk Cameron and the Neo-Nazi party.
- Bill Maher
This week's guests were Dr. Drew Pinsky, Stephen Moore, Erin McPike, Eliot Spitzer and Alexandra Wentwor
Showing posts with label Eliot Spitzer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eliot Spitzer. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER" Apr. 8, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, April 8, 2011. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
They’re obsessed with abortion; Republicans. If they really wanted to protect the weakest, more helpless people, wouldn’t they protect Democrats?
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
Today [President] Obama changed his slogan from “Yes, We Can” to “Have It Your Way.”
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue regarding Obama conceding to Republican demands during budget cut talks
It may be because he only had one sponsor left, a company making adult diapers that are lined with tin foil to keep the wetness in and the world government radio waves out.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue on the cancellation of Glenn Beck’s show
We have made flying so cheap, I’m afraid we are going to make it cheap at any cost.
- Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger
The Tea Party we were told is only about economics; not true. It was always about economics and social issues. They just hid the social issues and now we just see who they really are.
- Andrew Sullivan
The idea that the United States of American might shut down its government over abortion and funding to an organization that is 0.01% of the U.S. budget seems completely insane. Anyone looking at this debate around the world is thinking ‘What is this country doing? They have three wars going on, they’re trying to manage major problems and they’re thinking of shutting down their government over abortion?’
- Katty Kay on the looming U.S. Government shutdown
The big lie out there, the big lie that the Republicans propagate day after day, is that cutting marginal rates for those at the top is going to create jobs. It’s simply not true.
- Eliot Spitzer
Glenn Beck retired or got fired…and a lot of people are asking who will now speak for the raving lunatics who startle you outside of a parking garage?
- Bill Maher
I think of these imperial adventures like welfare programs; you start them with all good intentions, they never end, they go on forever and get more expensive as they go on.
- Andrew Sullivan on the U.S. being referred to as an empire
New Rule: Your fuselage shouldn’t open more easily than your pretzel bag.
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
New Rule: Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
New Rule: Don’t wear bacon cologne. If you put on…you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who is tempted to wear bacon cologne, it’s not like you could get laid any less.
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
This week's guests were Captain Chesley ‘Sully’ Sullenberger, Eliot Spitzer, Katty Kay, Andrew Sullivan and Colin Quinn.
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, April 8, 2011. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
They’re obsessed with abortion; Republicans. If they really wanted to protect the weakest, more helpless people, wouldn’t they protect Democrats?
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
Today [President] Obama changed his slogan from “Yes, We Can” to “Have It Your Way.”
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue regarding Obama conceding to Republican demands during budget cut talks
It may be because he only had one sponsor left, a company making adult diapers that are lined with tin foil to keep the wetness in and the world government radio waves out.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue on the cancellation of Glenn Beck’s show
We have made flying so cheap, I’m afraid we are going to make it cheap at any cost.
- Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger
The Tea Party we were told is only about economics; not true. It was always about economics and social issues. They just hid the social issues and now we just see who they really are.
- Andrew Sullivan
The idea that the United States of American might shut down its government over abortion and funding to an organization that is 0.01% of the U.S. budget seems completely insane. Anyone looking at this debate around the world is thinking ‘What is this country doing? They have three wars going on, they’re trying to manage major problems and they’re thinking of shutting down their government over abortion?’
- Katty Kay on the looming U.S. Government shutdown
The big lie out there, the big lie that the Republicans propagate day after day, is that cutting marginal rates for those at the top is going to create jobs. It’s simply not true.
- Eliot Spitzer
Glenn Beck retired or got fired…and a lot of people are asking who will now speak for the raving lunatics who startle you outside of a parking garage?
- Bill Maher
I think of these imperial adventures like welfare programs; you start them with all good intentions, they never end, they go on forever and get more expensive as they go on.
- Andrew Sullivan on the U.S. being referred to as an empire
New Rule: Your fuselage shouldn’t open more easily than your pretzel bag.
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
New Rule: Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
New Rule: Don’t wear bacon cologne. If you put on…you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who is tempted to wear bacon cologne, it’s not like you could get laid any less.
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
This week's guests were Captain Chesley ‘Sully’ Sullenberger, Eliot Spitzer, Katty Kay, Andrew Sullivan and Colin Quinn.
Monday, February 22, 2010
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER" - FEB 19, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER”
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, February 19th, 2010. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
We’ve been on a long break and I’ve just been kicking back, doing nothing. Like our government.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
Tiger Woods apologized to the three women in America he never got around to sleeping with.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
The only sport I really get into is snowboarding. Cause that’s the only sport where they perform a half pipe just after smoking a full pipe.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
The reason that we aren’t changing things right now is that the banks have lobbyists in Washington in numbers I’ve never seen.
- Elizabeth Warren, Chair of the Congressional Oversight Panel on TARP
The party out of power believes that they can get back into power by running against government and being the party of “no”.
- Norah O’Donnell
Fundamental reform doesn’t come from bipartisanship. And it seems to me, bipartisanship has become appeasement. Barack Obama won an election based on a set of principles. Fight for them.
- Eliot Spitzer
Any Republican who wants to filibuster now should be required to stand up and read aloud from Twilight.
- Seth MacFarlane
We’ve had our fair share of Bush jokes.
- Seth MacFarlane in response to Bill’s comment that he’s been making fun of the retarded for years
It’s not going to make the military soft or anything. I mean, they’re soldiers. We’re talking, yea, they’re gay, but we’re not talking Ru Paul, Elton John gay, we’re talking “Brokeback Mountain” gay.
- Wanda Sykes regarding “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
New Rule: Just because you can get pregnant, doesn’t mean you must get pregnant. The pregnant man is pregnant for a third time. You know, if you have a beard and a mustache and you have a baby every ten months you’re not a pregnant man, you’re an Italian woman.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
New Rule: Stop calling “The Tea Party” phenomenon a “Movement”. To be a real political movement, you have to, well, move toward some specific legislative goal. The Suffrage Movement, for example, gained voting rights for women, the Civil Rights Movement outlawed discrimination against blacks, and the Gay Rights Movement brought us the Winter Olympics.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
This week's guests were Eliot Spitzer, Seth MacFarlane, Norah O’Donnell, Wanda Sykes and Elizabeth Warren.
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER”
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, February 19th, 2010. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
We’ve been on a long break and I’ve just been kicking back, doing nothing. Like our government.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
Tiger Woods apologized to the three women in America he never got around to sleeping with.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
The only sport I really get into is snowboarding. Cause that’s the only sport where they perform a half pipe just after smoking a full pipe.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
The reason that we aren’t changing things right now is that the banks have lobbyists in Washington in numbers I’ve never seen.
- Elizabeth Warren, Chair of the Congressional Oversight Panel on TARP
The party out of power believes that they can get back into power by running against government and being the party of “no”.
- Norah O’Donnell
Fundamental reform doesn’t come from bipartisanship. And it seems to me, bipartisanship has become appeasement. Barack Obama won an election based on a set of principles. Fight for them.
- Eliot Spitzer
Any Republican who wants to filibuster now should be required to stand up and read aloud from Twilight.
- Seth MacFarlane
We’ve had our fair share of Bush jokes.
- Seth MacFarlane in response to Bill’s comment that he’s been making fun of the retarded for years
It’s not going to make the military soft or anything. I mean, they’re soldiers. We’re talking, yea, they’re gay, but we’re not talking Ru Paul, Elton John gay, we’re talking “Brokeback Mountain” gay.
- Wanda Sykes regarding “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
New Rule: Just because you can get pregnant, doesn’t mean you must get pregnant. The pregnant man is pregnant for a third time. You know, if you have a beard and a mustache and you have a baby every ten months you’re not a pregnant man, you’re an Italian woman.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
New Rule: Stop calling “The Tea Party” phenomenon a “Movement”. To be a real political movement, you have to, well, move toward some specific legislative goal. The Suffrage Movement, for example, gained voting rights for women, the Civil Rights Movement outlawed discrimination against blacks, and the Gay Rights Movement brought us the Winter Olympics.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
This week's guests were Eliot Spitzer, Seth MacFarlane, Norah O’Donnell, Wanda Sykes and Elizabeth Warren.
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