Friday, August 7th, 2009
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, August 7th, 2009. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
Have you seen what’s going on with these Town Halls? I don’t want to say they’re out of control. But they’re starting to show them on ESPN.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
I hate what’s happening in this country when I look at this. White people in Town Halls acting like black people in movie theaters.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
He’s [Obama] getting testy about these protesters. The other day he said if I want to hear endless hours of babbling from the aged I’ll ask Joe Biden a yes or no question.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
New Rule: Stop trying to make Radio Shack cool. Radio Shack, the shopping destination for people too socially awkward for Best Buy, is changing its name to The Shack. Maybe they’ll be like Abercrombie & Fitch, and have a shirtless guy standing in the doorway holding a surge protector. Admit it, Radio Shack: you’re not even a store, you’re just where immigrants go to learn English before getting a real job at 7-11.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
New Rule: Don’t hit on women at your wife’s funeral. Especially if you’re their dad. Vanity Fair reports that Ryan O’Neal accidentally tried to pick up his daughter Tatum at Farrah Fawcett’s funeral, giving a whole new meaning to the line: “Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” When you see family at a funeral, think: “bury the hatchet.” Not “hide the salami.”
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
And finally New Rule: Just because a country elects a smart president doesn’t make it a smart country. Now, a couple of weeks ago I was asked on CNN if I thought Sarah Palin could get elected president, and I said I hope not, but I wouldn’t put anything past this stupid country. Well, the station was flooded with emails and the twits hit the fan. And you could tell that these people were really mad because they wrote entirely in CAPITAL LETTERS!!! Worst of all, Bill O’Reilly refuted my contention that this is a stupid country by calling me a pinhead, which A) proves my point, and B) is really funny coming from a doody-face like him.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
This week's guests were Congressman Jack Kingston, Congressman Darrell Issa, Dr. David Scheiner and Arianna Huffington.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
New Rule: Smart President ≠ Smart Country
New Rule: Just because a country elects a smart president doesn't make it a smart country. A few weeks ago I was asked by Wolf Blitzer if I thought Sarah Palin could get elected president, and I said I hope not, but I wouldn't put anything past this stupid country. It was amazing - in the minute or so between my calling America stupid and the end of the Cialis commercial, CNN was flooded with furious emails and the twits hit the fan. And you could tell that these people were really mad because they wrote entirely in CAPITAL LETTERS!!! It's how they get the blood circulating when the Cialis wears off. Worst of all, Bill O'Reilly refuted my contention that this is a stupid country by calling me a pinhead, which A) proves my point, and B) is really funny coming from a doody-face like him.
Now, the hate mail all seemed to have a running theme: that I may live in a stupid country, but they lived in the greatest country on earth, and that perhaps I should move to another country, like Somalia. Well, the joke's on them because I happen to have a summer home in Somalia... and no I can't show you an original copy of my birth certificate because Woody Harrelson spilled bong water on it.
And before I go about demonstrating how, sadly, easy it is to prove the dumbness dragging down our country, let me just say that ignorance has life and death consequences. On the eve of the Iraq War, 69% of Americans thought Saddam Hussein was personally involved in 9/11. Four years later, 34% still did. Or take the health care debate we're presently having: members of Congress have recessed now so they can go home and "listen to their constituents." An urge they should resist because their constituents don't know anything. At a recent town-hall meeting in South Carolina, a man stood up and told his Congressman to "keep your government hands off my Medicare," which is kind of like driving cross country to protest highways.
I'm the bad guy for saying it's a stupid country, yet polls show that a majority of Americans cannot name a single branch of government, or explain what the Bill of Rights is. 24% could not name the country America fought in the Revolutionary War. More than two-thirds of Americans don't know what's in Roe v. Wade. Two-thirds don't know what the Food and Drug Administration does. Some of this stuff you should be able to pick up simply by being alive. You know, like the way the Slumdog kid knew about cricket.
Not here. Nearly half of Americans don't know that states have two senators and more than half can't name their congressman. And among Republican governors, only 30% got their wife's name right on the first try.
Sarah Palin says she would never apologize for America. Even though a Gallup poll says 18% of Americans think the sun revolves around the earth. No, they're not stupid. They're interplanetary mavericks. A third of Republicans believe Obama is not a citizen, and a third of Democrats believe that George Bush had prior knowledge of the 9/11 attacks, which is an absurd sentence because it contains the words "Bush" and "knowledge."
People bitch and moan about taxes and spending, but they have no idea what their government spends money on. The average voter thinks foreign aid consumes 24% of our federal budget. It's actually less than 1%. And don't even ask about cabinet members: seven in ten think Napolitano is a kind of three-flavored ice cream. And last election, a full one-third of voters forgot why they were in the booth, handed out their pants, and asked, "Do you have these in a relaxed-fit?"
And I haven't even brought up America's religious beliefs. But here's one fun fact you can take away: did you know only about half of Americans are aware that Judaism is an older religion than Christianity? That's right, half of America looks at books called the Old Testament and the New Testament and cannot figure out which one came first.
And these are the idiots we want to weigh in on the minutia of health care policy? Please, this country is like a college chick after two Long Island Iced Teas: we can be talked into anything, like wars, and we can be talked out of anything, like health care. We should forget town halls, and replace them with study halls. There's a lot of populist anger directed towards Washington, but you know who concerned citizens should be most angry at? Their fellow citizens. "Inside the beltway" thinking may be wrong, but at least it's thinking, which is more than you can say for what's going on outside the beltway.
And if you want to call me an elitist for this, I say thank you. Yes, I want decisions made by an elite group of people who know what they're talking about. That means Obama budget director Peter Orszag, not Sarah Palin.
Which is the way our founding fathers wanted it. James Madison wrote that "pure democracy" doesn't work because "there is nothing to check... an obnoxious individual." Then, in the margins, he doodled a picture of Joe the Plumber.
Until we admit there are things we don't know, we can't even start asking the questions to find out. Until we admit that America can make a mistake, we can't stop the next one. A smart guy named Chesterton once said: "My country, right or wrong is a thing no patriot would ever think of saying... It is like saying 'My mother, drunk or sober.'" To which most Americans would respond: "Are you calling my mother a drunk?"
Now, the hate mail all seemed to have a running theme: that I may live in a stupid country, but they lived in the greatest country on earth, and that perhaps I should move to another country, like Somalia. Well, the joke's on them because I happen to have a summer home in Somalia... and no I can't show you an original copy of my birth certificate because Woody Harrelson spilled bong water on it.
And before I go about demonstrating how, sadly, easy it is to prove the dumbness dragging down our country, let me just say that ignorance has life and death consequences. On the eve of the Iraq War, 69% of Americans thought Saddam Hussein was personally involved in 9/11. Four years later, 34% still did. Or take the health care debate we're presently having: members of Congress have recessed now so they can go home and "listen to their constituents." An urge they should resist because their constituents don't know anything. At a recent town-hall meeting in South Carolina, a man stood up and told his Congressman to "keep your government hands off my Medicare," which is kind of like driving cross country to protest highways.
I'm the bad guy for saying it's a stupid country, yet polls show that a majority of Americans cannot name a single branch of government, or explain what the Bill of Rights is. 24% could not name the country America fought in the Revolutionary War. More than two-thirds of Americans don't know what's in Roe v. Wade. Two-thirds don't know what the Food and Drug Administration does. Some of this stuff you should be able to pick up simply by being alive. You know, like the way the Slumdog kid knew about cricket.
Not here. Nearly half of Americans don't know that states have two senators and more than half can't name their congressman. And among Republican governors, only 30% got their wife's name right on the first try.
Sarah Palin says she would never apologize for America. Even though a Gallup poll says 18% of Americans think the sun revolves around the earth. No, they're not stupid. They're interplanetary mavericks. A third of Republicans believe Obama is not a citizen, and a third of Democrats believe that George Bush had prior knowledge of the 9/11 attacks, which is an absurd sentence because it contains the words "Bush" and "knowledge."
People bitch and moan about taxes and spending, but they have no idea what their government spends money on. The average voter thinks foreign aid consumes 24% of our federal budget. It's actually less than 1%. And don't even ask about cabinet members: seven in ten think Napolitano is a kind of three-flavored ice cream. And last election, a full one-third of voters forgot why they were in the booth, handed out their pants, and asked, "Do you have these in a relaxed-fit?"
And I haven't even brought up America's religious beliefs. But here's one fun fact you can take away: did you know only about half of Americans are aware that Judaism is an older religion than Christianity? That's right, half of America looks at books called the Old Testament and the New Testament and cannot figure out which one came first.
And these are the idiots we want to weigh in on the minutia of health care policy? Please, this country is like a college chick after two Long Island Iced Teas: we can be talked into anything, like wars, and we can be talked out of anything, like health care. We should forget town halls, and replace them with study halls. There's a lot of populist anger directed towards Washington, but you know who concerned citizens should be most angry at? Their fellow citizens. "Inside the beltway" thinking may be wrong, but at least it's thinking, which is more than you can say for what's going on outside the beltway.
And if you want to call me an elitist for this, I say thank you. Yes, I want decisions made by an elite group of people who know what they're talking about. That means Obama budget director Peter Orszag, not Sarah Palin.
Which is the way our founding fathers wanted it. James Madison wrote that "pure democracy" doesn't work because "there is nothing to check... an obnoxious individual." Then, in the margins, he doodled a picture of Joe the Plumber.
Until we admit there are things we don't know, we can't even start asking the questions to find out. Until we admit that America can make a mistake, we can't stop the next one. A smart guy named Chesterton once said: "My country, right or wrong is a thing no patriot would ever think of saying... It is like saying 'My mother, drunk or sober.'" To which most Americans would respond: "Are you calling my mother a drunk?"
Saturday, August 1, 2009
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER" - JULY 31 2009
Friday, July 31st, 2009
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, July 31st, 2009. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
I know why you’re happy: racism is over and we did it with a beer
-Bill Maher in his opening monologue
There was one little awkward moment. When he arrived at the White House,he got out of the car,and he threw Obama his keys.
-Bill Maher in his opening monologue about Sergeant Crowley
You can take your old gas-guzzling clunker to your GM dealer and trade it in on a new gas-guzzling clunker.
-Bill Maher in his opening monologue about “cash for clunkers”
I think its great that we have a President who we can see having a beer cause he isn’t a dry drunk.
-Bill Maher
My great fear is that Congress is gonna get power over the Fed. That’s the nightmare scenario. We have those crazy people on the hill starting to control American policy. Then I really will go back to Britain.
-Harvard Professor Niall Ferguson who is British
He is Michael Jordan playing on a bad team. There’s nobody to pass the ball to.
-Bill Maher about President Obama and Congress
I think we should airlift all the women out of Afghanistan for 40 years so that the Taliban can’t reproduce and then bring them back and start from scratch.
-Joe Queenan
It’s funny for me to be asked to speak on behalf of women.
-Rachel Maddow
FROM THE NEW RULES SEGMENT
New Rule: From now on, to save valuable airtime, news outlets must only report when a ballplayer is discovered to be not on steroids.
-Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
New Rule: Never underestimate the ability of a tiny fringe group of losers to ruin everything. For the past couple of weeks we’ve all been laughing heartily at the wacky antics of the “birthers”—the far-right goofballs who claim Obama wasn’t really born in Hawaii and therefore the job of president goes to the runner-up, Miss California Carrie Prejean. And there’s nothing you can do to convince these people—you could hand them, in person, the original birth certificate, with the placenta, and have a video of Obama emerging from the womb with Don Ho singing in the background and they still wouldn’t believe it.
-Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
This week's guests were Rachel Maddow, Niall Ferguson, Joe Queenan, Michael Ware and Jeff Sharlet.
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, July 31st, 2009. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
I know why you’re happy: racism is over and we did it with a beer
-Bill Maher in his opening monologue
There was one little awkward moment. When he arrived at the White House,he got out of the car,and he threw Obama his keys.
-Bill Maher in his opening monologue about Sergeant Crowley
You can take your old gas-guzzling clunker to your GM dealer and trade it in on a new gas-guzzling clunker.
-Bill Maher in his opening monologue about “cash for clunkers”
I think its great that we have a President who we can see having a beer cause he isn’t a dry drunk.
-Bill Maher
My great fear is that Congress is gonna get power over the Fed. That’s the nightmare scenario. We have those crazy people on the hill starting to control American policy. Then I really will go back to Britain.
-Harvard Professor Niall Ferguson who is British
He is Michael Jordan playing on a bad team. There’s nobody to pass the ball to.
-Bill Maher about President Obama and Congress
I think we should airlift all the women out of Afghanistan for 40 years so that the Taliban can’t reproduce and then bring them back and start from scratch.
-Joe Queenan
It’s funny for me to be asked to speak on behalf of women.
-Rachel Maddow
FROM THE NEW RULES SEGMENT
New Rule: From now on, to save valuable airtime, news outlets must only report when a ballplayer is discovered to be not on steroids.
-Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
New Rule: Never underestimate the ability of a tiny fringe group of losers to ruin everything. For the past couple of weeks we’ve all been laughing heartily at the wacky antics of the “birthers”—the far-right goofballs who claim Obama wasn’t really born in Hawaii and therefore the job of president goes to the runner-up, Miss California Carrie Prejean. And there’s nothing you can do to convince these people—you could hand them, in person, the original birth certificate, with the placenta, and have a video of Obama emerging from the womb with Don Ho singing in the background and they still wouldn’t believe it.
-Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
This week's guests were Rachel Maddow, Niall Ferguson, Joe Queenan, Michael Ware and Jeff Sharlet.
Friday, July 31, 2009
'Birthers' must be stopped
No matter how dumb, the people who are questioning whether Obama was born in the U.S. could eventually cause real problems.
By Bill Maher
July 31, 2009
Never underestimate the ability of a tiny fringe group of losers to ruin everything.
For the last couple of weeks, we've all been laughing heartily at the wacky antics of the "birthers" -- the far-right goofballs who claim Barack Obama wasn't really born in Hawaii and therefore the job of president goes to the runner-up, former Miss California Carrie Prejean.
Also, when Obama was sworn in as president, he forgot to give his answer in the form of a question.
And yet, every week, the chorus of conservatives demanding to see his birth certificate grows. It's like they're the Cambridge police, Obama's in his house -- the White House -- and they need to see some ID.
And there's nothing anyone can do to convince these folks. You could hand them, in person, the original birth certificate and have a video of Obama emerging from the womb with Don Ho singing in the background ... and they still wouldn't believe it.
Which raises the question: Why, in this country, is it always the religious right that won't take anything on faith?
So far, the reaction from Democrats is to laugh this off, and I understand why. If you seriously believe that President Obama is an African sleeper spy, get out of your chat room and have your house tested for lead.
But we live in America, and in America, if you don't immediately kill arrant nonsense, no matter how ridiculous, it can grow and thrive and eventually take over, like crab grass or reality shows about fat people.
This flap might be a deluded right-wing obsession that is a total waste of time, but so was Whitewater, and look where that ended up. A handful of Republican operatives, enraged at Bill Clinton's unprecedented economic growth and budget surpluses, found a woman named Paula Jones, which led to a woman named Monica Lewinsky, which gave me enough material to eventually be able to buy a big house in Bel-Air. Which I'm still conflicted about.
More recently we had the Swift Boat allegations against John Kerry, in which Kerry was accused of volunteering to serve in Vietnam so he could jump in front of a bullet so he could get a medal and then throw it away to satisfy his urge to insult real Americans. This was so stupid that Kerry refused to even discuss it.
And we all know how well that worked out.
And once these stories get out there, they're hard to stamp out because our media do such a lousy job of speaking truth to stupid. Vietnam, Iraq and the Spanish-American War were all sold on lies that were unchallenged or even abetted by the media. Clinton got impeached and Kerry got destroyed in large part because the media didn't have the guts to say, "This is nonsense."
Lou Dobbs has been saying recently that people are asking a lot of questions about the birth certificate. Yes, the same people who want to know where the sun goes at night.
And Lou, you're their new king.
That's why it's so important that we the few, the proud, the reality-based attack this stuff before it has a chance to fester and spread. This isn't a case of Democrats versus Republicans. It's sentient beings versus the lizard people, and it is to them I offer this deal: I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.
Los Angeles Times Op-Ed July 31,2009
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-maher31-2009jul31,0,622151.story
By Bill Maher
July 31, 2009
Never underestimate the ability of a tiny fringe group of losers to ruin everything.
For the last couple of weeks, we've all been laughing heartily at the wacky antics of the "birthers" -- the far-right goofballs who claim Barack Obama wasn't really born in Hawaii and therefore the job of president goes to the runner-up, former Miss California Carrie Prejean.
Also, when Obama was sworn in as president, he forgot to give his answer in the form of a question.
And yet, every week, the chorus of conservatives demanding to see his birth certificate grows. It's like they're the Cambridge police, Obama's in his house -- the White House -- and they need to see some ID.
And there's nothing anyone can do to convince these folks. You could hand them, in person, the original birth certificate and have a video of Obama emerging from the womb with Don Ho singing in the background ... and they still wouldn't believe it.
Which raises the question: Why, in this country, is it always the religious right that won't take anything on faith?
So far, the reaction from Democrats is to laugh this off, and I understand why. If you seriously believe that President Obama is an African sleeper spy, get out of your chat room and have your house tested for lead.
But we live in America, and in America, if you don't immediately kill arrant nonsense, no matter how ridiculous, it can grow and thrive and eventually take over, like crab grass or reality shows about fat people.
This flap might be a deluded right-wing obsession that is a total waste of time, but so was Whitewater, and look where that ended up. A handful of Republican operatives, enraged at Bill Clinton's unprecedented economic growth and budget surpluses, found a woman named Paula Jones, which led to a woman named Monica Lewinsky, which gave me enough material to eventually be able to buy a big house in Bel-Air. Which I'm still conflicted about.
More recently we had the Swift Boat allegations against John Kerry, in which Kerry was accused of volunteering to serve in Vietnam so he could jump in front of a bullet so he could get a medal and then throw it away to satisfy his urge to insult real Americans. This was so stupid that Kerry refused to even discuss it.
And we all know how well that worked out.
And once these stories get out there, they're hard to stamp out because our media do such a lousy job of speaking truth to stupid. Vietnam, Iraq and the Spanish-American War were all sold on lies that were unchallenged or even abetted by the media. Clinton got impeached and Kerry got destroyed in large part because the media didn't have the guts to say, "This is nonsense."
Lou Dobbs has been saying recently that people are asking a lot of questions about the birth certificate. Yes, the same people who want to know where the sun goes at night.
And Lou, you're their new king.
That's why it's so important that we the few, the proud, the reality-based attack this stuff before it has a chance to fester and spread. This isn't a case of Democrats versus Republicans. It's sentient beings versus the lizard people, and it is to them I offer this deal: I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.
Los Angeles Times Op-Ed July 31,2009
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-maher31-2009jul31,0,622151.story
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER" - JULY 24 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER”
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, July 24, 2009. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
The president spent the week, the last few days, talking about America’s most vulnerable citizens, the Cambridge Police Department.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
Probably the most prominent African-American scholar in America today, Henry Louis Gates, was arrested for being black while home. Apparently, in America, if you are black, you can be pulled over for driving a stolen house.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
Officer Crowley was upset. Apparently he said Henry Louis Gates was threatening. Of course, he meant he was an educated black man.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
When the military says ‘we don’t want this’ and Congress is trying to shove this down their throats, it is a sad statement of the political system we have right now.
- Anthony Woods regarding the rejection of F-22 additional funding.
We are actually, as a nation, consigning a group of people to complete ruination.
- Susan Eisenhower regarding multiple deployments of the military overseas
We have allowed ourselves as a country to get in a situation where we think the military can solve all of our problems overseas and that is absolutely not the case. As a country, we have a lot more resources that we can bring to bear that are not just about firepower and kicking in doors.
- Anthony Woods
It’s ridiculous to say that all Republicans are racist. That of course is not true. But nowadays, if you are a racist, you are probably a Republican.
- Bill Maher
You have a radio show host with an agenda who is all about preaching extremist views. It allows these sorts of fringe ideas to come up and get circulated.
- Anthony Woods regarding Rush Limbaugh and Republican outrage over Obama’s birth certificate
If it is so bad, why do we have it for our Veterans?
- Bill Maher regarding Universal Health Care
The Republicans are a side show here compared to the failure of the Democratic Party to get its shit together and govern the country.
- John Heilemann
New Rule: Stop pretending to be so shocked that the girl from the Harry Potter movies is now a hottie. Wow, she was a cute little eleven-year-old girl in that first movie – who would have dreamed that eight short years later she’d turn out to be 19? Relax – if you’re an adult seeing the new Harry Potter movie, you don’t have to be ashamed about being attracted to her. What you’ve got to be ashamed about is that you’re an adult, seeing the new Harry Potter movie.
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
New Rule: Not everything in America has to make a profit. If conservatives get to call universal health care “socialized medicine,” I get to call private, for-profit health care “soulless vampire bastards making money off human pain.”
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
This week's guests were Susan Eisenhower, John Heilemann, Anthony Woods, Matt Taibbi and a satellite interview with Janet Napolitano.
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER”
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, July 24, 2009. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
The president spent the week, the last few days, talking about America’s most vulnerable citizens, the Cambridge Police Department.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
Probably the most prominent African-American scholar in America today, Henry Louis Gates, was arrested for being black while home. Apparently, in America, if you are black, you can be pulled over for driving a stolen house.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
Officer Crowley was upset. Apparently he said Henry Louis Gates was threatening. Of course, he meant he was an educated black man.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
When the military says ‘we don’t want this’ and Congress is trying to shove this down their throats, it is a sad statement of the political system we have right now.
- Anthony Woods regarding the rejection of F-22 additional funding.
We are actually, as a nation, consigning a group of people to complete ruination.
- Susan Eisenhower regarding multiple deployments of the military overseas
We have allowed ourselves as a country to get in a situation where we think the military can solve all of our problems overseas and that is absolutely not the case. As a country, we have a lot more resources that we can bring to bear that are not just about firepower and kicking in doors.
- Anthony Woods
It’s ridiculous to say that all Republicans are racist. That of course is not true. But nowadays, if you are a racist, you are probably a Republican.
- Bill Maher
You have a radio show host with an agenda who is all about preaching extremist views. It allows these sorts of fringe ideas to come up and get circulated.
- Anthony Woods regarding Rush Limbaugh and Republican outrage over Obama’s birth certificate
If it is so bad, why do we have it for our Veterans?
- Bill Maher regarding Universal Health Care
The Republicans are a side show here compared to the failure of the Democratic Party to get its shit together and govern the country.
- John Heilemann
New Rule: Stop pretending to be so shocked that the girl from the Harry Potter movies is now a hottie. Wow, she was a cute little eleven-year-old girl in that first movie – who would have dreamed that eight short years later she’d turn out to be 19? Relax – if you’re an adult seeing the new Harry Potter movie, you don’t have to be ashamed about being attracted to her. What you’ve got to be ashamed about is that you’re an adult, seeing the new Harry Potter movie.
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
New Rule: Not everything in America has to make a profit. If conservatives get to call universal health care “socialized medicine,” I get to call private, for-profit health care “soulless vampire bastards making money off human pain.”
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
This week's guests were Susan Eisenhower, John Heilemann, Anthony Woods, Matt Taibbi and a satellite interview with Janet Napolitano.
Friday, July 24, 2009
New Rule: Not Everything in America Has to Make a Profit
How about this for a New Rule: Not everything in America has to make a profit. It used to be that there were some services and institutions so vital to our nation that they were exempt from market pressures. Some things we just didn't do for money. The United States always defined capitalism, but it didn't used to define us. But now it's becoming all that we are.
Did you know, for example, that there was a time when being called a "war profiteer" was a bad thing? But now our war zones are dominated by private contractors and mercenaries who work for corporations. There are more private contractors in Iraq than American troops, and we pay them generous salaries to do jobs the troops used to do for themselves -- like laundry. War is not supposed to turn a profit, but our wars have become boondoggles for weapons manufacturers and connected civilian contractors.
Prisons used to be a non-profit business, too. And for good reason -- who the hell wants to own a prison? By definition you're going to have trouble with the tenants. But now prisons are big business. A company called the Corrections Corporation of America is on the New York Stock Exchange, which is convenient since that's where all the real crime is happening anyway. The CCA and similar corporations actually lobby Congress for stiffer sentencing laws so they can lock more people up and make more money. That's why America has the world;s largest prison population -- because actually rehabilitating people would have a negative impact on the bottom line.
Television news is another area that used to be roped off from the profit motive. When Walter Cronkite died last week, it was odd to see news anchor after news anchor talking about how much better the news coverage was back in Cronkite's day. I thought, "Gee, if only you were in a position to do something about it."
But maybe they aren't. Because unlike in Cronkite's day, today's news has to make a profit like all the other divisions in a media conglomerate. That's why it wasn't surprising to see the CBS Evening News broadcast live from the Staples Center for two nights this month, just in case Michael Jackson came back to life and sold Iran nuclear weapons. In Uncle Walter's time, the news division was a loss leader. Making money was the job of The Beverly Hillbillies. And now that we have reporters moving to Alaska to hang out with the Palin family, the news is The Beverly Hillbillies.
And finally, there's health care. It wasn't that long ago that when a kid broke his leg playing stickball, his parents took him to the local Catholic hospital, the nun put a thermometer in his mouth, the doctor slapped some plaster on his ankle and you were done. The bill was $1.50, plus you got to keep the thermometer.
But like everything else that's good and noble in life, some Wall Street wizard decided that hospitals could be big business, so now they're run by some bean counters in a corporate plaza in Charlotte. In the U.S. today, three giant for-profit conglomerates own close to 600 hospitals and other health care facilities. They're not hospitals anymore; they're Jiffy Lubes with bedpans. America's largest hospital chain, HCA, was founded by the family of Bill Frist, who perfectly represents the Republican attitude toward health care: it's not a right, it's a racket. The more people who get sick and need medicine, the higher their profit margins. Which is why they're always pushing the Jell-O.
Because medicine is now for-profit we have things like "recision," where insurance companies hire people to figure out ways to deny you coverage when you get sick, even though you've been paying into your plan for years.
When did the profit motive become the only reason to do anything? When did that become the new patriotism? Ask not what you could do for your country, ask what's in it for Blue Cross/Blue Shield.
If conservatives get to call universal health care "socialized medicine," I get to call private health care "soulless vampires making money off human pain." The problem with President Obama's health care plan isn't socialism, it's capitalism.
And if medicine is for profit, and war, and the news, and the penal system, my question is: what's wrong with firemen? Why don't they charge? They must be commies. Oh my God! That explains the red trucks!
Did you know, for example, that there was a time when being called a "war profiteer" was a bad thing? But now our war zones are dominated by private contractors and mercenaries who work for corporations. There are more private contractors in Iraq than American troops, and we pay them generous salaries to do jobs the troops used to do for themselves -- like laundry. War is not supposed to turn a profit, but our wars have become boondoggles for weapons manufacturers and connected civilian contractors.
Prisons used to be a non-profit business, too. And for good reason -- who the hell wants to own a prison? By definition you're going to have trouble with the tenants. But now prisons are big business. A company called the Corrections Corporation of America is on the New York Stock Exchange, which is convenient since that's where all the real crime is happening anyway. The CCA and similar corporations actually lobby Congress for stiffer sentencing laws so they can lock more people up and make more money. That's why America has the world;s largest prison population -- because actually rehabilitating people would have a negative impact on the bottom line.
Television news is another area that used to be roped off from the profit motive. When Walter Cronkite died last week, it was odd to see news anchor after news anchor talking about how much better the news coverage was back in Cronkite's day. I thought, "Gee, if only you were in a position to do something about it."
But maybe they aren't. Because unlike in Cronkite's day, today's news has to make a profit like all the other divisions in a media conglomerate. That's why it wasn't surprising to see the CBS Evening News broadcast live from the Staples Center for two nights this month, just in case Michael Jackson came back to life and sold Iran nuclear weapons. In Uncle Walter's time, the news division was a loss leader. Making money was the job of The Beverly Hillbillies. And now that we have reporters moving to Alaska to hang out with the Palin family, the news is The Beverly Hillbillies.
And finally, there's health care. It wasn't that long ago that when a kid broke his leg playing stickball, his parents took him to the local Catholic hospital, the nun put a thermometer in his mouth, the doctor slapped some plaster on his ankle and you were done. The bill was $1.50, plus you got to keep the thermometer.
But like everything else that's good and noble in life, some Wall Street wizard decided that hospitals could be big business, so now they're run by some bean counters in a corporate plaza in Charlotte. In the U.S. today, three giant for-profit conglomerates own close to 600 hospitals and other health care facilities. They're not hospitals anymore; they're Jiffy Lubes with bedpans. America's largest hospital chain, HCA, was founded by the family of Bill Frist, who perfectly represents the Republican attitude toward health care: it's not a right, it's a racket. The more people who get sick and need medicine, the higher their profit margins. Which is why they're always pushing the Jell-O.
Because medicine is now for-profit we have things like "recision," where insurance companies hire people to figure out ways to deny you coverage when you get sick, even though you've been paying into your plan for years.
When did the profit motive become the only reason to do anything? When did that become the new patriotism? Ask not what you could do for your country, ask what's in it for Blue Cross/Blue Shield.
If conservatives get to call universal health care "socialized medicine," I get to call private health care "soulless vampires making money off human pain." The problem with President Obama's health care plan isn't socialism, it's capitalism.
And if medicine is for profit, and war, and the news, and the penal system, my question is: what's wrong with firemen? Why don't they charge? They must be commies. Oh my God! That explains the red trucks!
Friday, July 17, 2009
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER" - JULY 17 2009
Friday, July 17th, 2009
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, July 17th , 2009. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
Healthcare reform really is gaining momentum and is gonna happen. Now of course, the Republicans say the plan is too confusing and too convoluted. But, you know, these are the same people who claim they can make sense out of a Sarah Palin speech.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
She got quite a grilling from those Republicans. I was like fellas, she’s a Latina, not a piñata.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue regarding Sonia Sotomayor
The tag that they kept trying to hang around her neck was “reverse racist.” They said, you know, it’s reverse racists like her that give regular racists like them a bad name.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue regarding Sonia Sotomayor
I would never say that Republicans are all racist. That’s ridiculous and wrong. But if you’re a racist nowadays in America, you’re probably a Republican.
- Bill Maher
What he represented in that moment of the professionalism and the integrity and the courage and the humanity. It’s an amazing thing. I don’t think any modern day anchor quite embodies what he was.
- Jason Alexander regarding Walter Cronkite and his reporting on the JFK assassination
New Rule: Stop referring to Sarah Palin as a “renegade”. A renegade is someone who rebels against convention. What is Sarah Palin rebelling against, grammar? Wildlife? Sports analogies? Face it Sarah, you only rebelled against one thing in your life, family planning.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
I defy anyone to watch ten minutes of "My Super Sweet 16" on MTV and not want to strap on a vest and blow up that little snot's birthday party.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
My god, since this Michael Jackson thing happened, I have no idea what's going on with John and Kate.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
This week's guests were Brian Schweitzer, Anne Deavere Smith, Markos Moulitsas, Jason Alexander and a satellite interview with Joe Scarborough.
QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, July 17th , 2009. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
Healthcare reform really is gaining momentum and is gonna happen. Now of course, the Republicans say the plan is too confusing and too convoluted. But, you know, these are the same people who claim they can make sense out of a Sarah Palin speech.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
She got quite a grilling from those Republicans. I was like fellas, she’s a Latina, not a piñata.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue regarding Sonia Sotomayor
The tag that they kept trying to hang around her neck was “reverse racist.” They said, you know, it’s reverse racists like her that give regular racists like them a bad name.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue regarding Sonia Sotomayor
I would never say that Republicans are all racist. That’s ridiculous and wrong. But if you’re a racist nowadays in America, you’re probably a Republican.
- Bill Maher
What he represented in that moment of the professionalism and the integrity and the courage and the humanity. It’s an amazing thing. I don’t think any modern day anchor quite embodies what he was.
- Jason Alexander regarding Walter Cronkite and his reporting on the JFK assassination
New Rule: Stop referring to Sarah Palin as a “renegade”. A renegade is someone who rebels against convention. What is Sarah Palin rebelling against, grammar? Wildlife? Sports analogies? Face it Sarah, you only rebelled against one thing in your life, family planning.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
I defy anyone to watch ten minutes of "My Super Sweet 16" on MTV and not want to strap on a vest and blow up that little snot's birthday party.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
My god, since this Michael Jackson thing happened, I have no idea what's going on with John and Kate.
- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment
This week's guests were Brian Schweitzer, Anne Deavere Smith, Markos Moulitsas, Jason Alexander and a satellite interview with Joe Scarborough.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)