QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, March 9, 2012. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.
There are posters all over town…all over the country that say Kony 2012. It’s a little confusing though because today he pulled ahead of Romney in the polls.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
He was campaigning in Mississippi and said ‘some of my best friends spill oil in this gulf.’
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue about Mitt Romney’s inability to campaign to regular people
In the south, Mitt is going to have trouble with the whole Mormon thing. When he says sister wife down there, it means a whole different thing.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue
He lost so many advertisers that on Thursday there was five minutes on his show of dead air. And most observers agree he’s never been so eloquent.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue regarding Rush Limbaugh
In a ‘winner take all’ electoral system, they are just not made for third parties.
- Andy Stern
Whether or not people out there really push these political parties to a new space…whenever the cataclysmical impact happens, it’s going to be transformative because you’ve already seen the seed bed laid in these activist groups. Whether it’s the Tea Party, whether it’s Occupy, the citizens are paying much more attention now.
- Michael Steele
That’s America. Sometimes you are made to feel uncomfortable. Can we put this into perspective, no one died, a guy made a bad joke.
- Bill Maher on the backlash of Rush Limbaugh’s ‘slut’ comment
I am defending living in a country where people don’t have to be afraid they might go out of bounds for one minute. Do we all want to be talking like White House spokespeople?
- Bill Maher on the backlash of Rush Limbaugh’s ‘slut’ comment
I am a potty mouth. That’s different than being a misogynist.
- Bill Maher on the comparison between him and Rush Limbaugh
There’s a reflection here of an America that still exists that does live in fear…that freedoms are being taken away. The leadership has to somehow figure out, particularly the cycle, how to address that and move the country past that and forward.
- Michael Steele on stereotypical southern views that are still prevalent
The Democrats need to learn how to talk to people. There is a lot of prejudice but not a lot of alternatives.
- Andy Stern on stereotypical southern views that are still prevalent
New Rule: Just for shits and giggles, John McCain must make a speech on the Senate floor where he calls on America to not bomb someone. This week, John McCain said we needed to bomb Syria. Because he's John McCain. And it's a country. Duh. John McCain thinks countries need bombing like your waiter thinks food needs fresh pepper. Remember how we let John Glenn go back into space when he was 77? We should let John McCain fly one more airstrike. He's only 75. Let him do it. Then, when he crashes, we can send John Glenn to rescue him, and Ed Harris can play them both in the movie.
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
New Rule: Don't pay eight thousand dollars for a McNugget that looks like George Washington. At least until you have Sarah Palin authenticate it. She could tell you if it really resembles the father of our country, the man who won the war on Christmas, crossed the Danube, signed the Declaration of Constitution, and accepted the surrender of Cornwallis at Funkytown. But Newt Gingrich is a historian too, but don't show it to him or he'll just eat it.
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment
This week's guests were Jon Hamm, Michael Steele, Andy Stern, Catherine Crier and Michael Oren.
45 comments:
Occupy The Courts - A Conversation with Lawrence Lessig and Chris Hedges
OccupyTVNY
http://www.occupytvny.org/
Bill, the reason all the countries have universal health care is because only in America are doctors considered entreprenuers. One of the main reasons for our high health care. The other: hospitals continuing to purchase the latest technology.
Bill, you need to check this white women out.
She is brilliant. Here is her link:
http://www.kulturekritic.com/2012/04/news/i-am-not-trayvon-campaign-kicks-into-gear-video/#comment-1032.
You will thank me later. Wish I had tickets to your show.
asanteculent@yahoo.com
Tony W.
Hello Bill,
I hope you can take the time to read this. I am an American citizen that became fed up with the results of the 2000 presidential election (tomfoolery?). What a sham! What disturbed me most, was the fact that the American people accepted this. Where was the outrage? After approximately 2 1/2 years, it became obvious that W. Bush was incompetent. Yet, in 2004, Bush is re-elected (more tomfoolery?). Now, I live in the Philippines. I could no longer listen to idiotic comments, such as, Bush kept us safe. Really? How safe were the investments and property values?
While Mr. Clinton was in office, I never considered a permanent move away from the U.S. The Republicans did everything possible to discredit the Democrats, prior to the 2000 election. Monicagate is one example. Headline, "CLINTON IMPEACHED". Could there have been a bigger joke? Perhaps I do not understand the meaning of impeach. I thought it was similar to "you're fired". But, Clinton never left the White House.
During the Clinton administration, the U.S. was respected throughout the world. Much of that respect has diminished. I would like to see Bill Clinton run for president again. This time, as an independant. Maybe he could help to repair the damage caused by the Bush administration.
Wake up America.
( Water Fluoridation )
is a
( National Security Threat )
I will repeat for those who are already DUMBED DOWN from ingesting fluoride.
( WATER FLUORIDATION )
is a
( NATIONAL SECURITY THREAT )
Hello Bill Maher
My name is Alex and I am Portuguese and have lived in Portugal most of my life. My interest in American politics started when Clinton was elected the first time. As the US have such an impact in the rest of the world I started to follow your political matters... Recently I have been watching Real Time through Youtube and find it very interesting because you definitely shake some heads on subjects such as religion, health care etc. In Portugal we have already achieved a separation between church and state, creationism is not even looked as a theory, and gay couples are allowed to marry. Most (I think I could say all) of these changes were achieved by the left. We have Universal Health Care system that works and is considered here as one of the most important conquests democracy ever gave us. Any Portuguese can also have a private health insurance, if they wish and if they can afford it. My main point is this: I dont't understand how a nation such as the US is 'prisioner' of some people that even consider creationism as a valid theory or see on Universal Health Care System a form of State's intrusion and Socialism... It seems that you just have to mention the word Socialism to terrify Americans... I really like your show and let me tell you that it is not only in the US that the right goes 'crazy' when not in power.
Sorry Bill, but the gold 'head up ass' statue is juvenile and beneath you. Lose it. Also lose the 'bubble' bit. Tired. Hire some fresh writers if necessary. I'll still watch though. The show would be better if aimed more at adults.
Bill O' being interviewed by Amy Goodman, "Mr. O'..uh...Bill...how well did you know either Rupert or James Murdoch...and did you ever tackle the News Corp fiasco in the U.K.... on your show which promotes no spin....?"
Bill O' "Who?"
Fill-in-the-Blank What has historically been the bigger threat to America's (ch_____)...the Muslim Brotherhood or the Catholic Brotherhood. The Fill-in-the-Blank missing letters are ----ildren----
Bill O' and Sean H. are standing at "The Gate" and along comes St. Peter..."Gentlemen, well anyway boys...how can I help you?"
Sean H.," Well St. P., we are here to taste God!"
St. P. "I don't follow...taste God....what is this nonsense...?" Bill O' answers..."Well for all these years...and in my case just this past Sunday... our Priests have been shoving there idea of god down our throats followed by his blood, I ...well we want to taste the real thing in Real Time!" St. P..."Uh, boys...this is nonsense..God is infinite and way to big...even for your big mouths"!
"However Bill, you do have a big mouth there..would St. Peter suffice, my ex-altered boy?" "OK boys, lets get to it....assume the missionary position...." "What are you doing?...I said the missionary position...why are you lying on your backs with your legs spread?" "Oh, no..that is all wrong..whoever said that..no good missionary lays between a women's legs..." "Boys, the missionary position is you on your knees in front of me so I can shove god in your mouth..then if you believe real hard...I will ..I mean god will pass his blood to you...." Oh the horror..the horror..one has to wonder why no child has been heard running down the street screaming.."Mommy, Mommy...God's blood is white..." Even from a black priest one might add...OH, the horror of having to write that..with no spin!
Bill, i agree with you on 96.7% of the stuff you say. However, we (people that base our arguments on factual evidence and not faith) are wrong as to how we are getting our message across. For now on, only talk about positive contributions and never ever mention bullshit. Present the facts and do not fall victim to debate, ever. Do this, and it will pay divedends. no one has ever done it...
God bless America! The home of the H-Bomb (Only used on humans, twice), teeth rotting Coke, fast food fatties, the telephone and that other inefficient waste of time 'The Open Office' System(!?!). This is twenty percent less efficient than what went before and encourages the useless chit-chat in the office, that the phone started. Then there's GM crops, which again are less efficient than what went before but is being pushed onto the rest of the world by Monsanto, leading inevitably to world-wide famine, when it becomes obvious that this is the case. Yes, God bless America!
The United States of America. Home of electricity, alternating current, the power grid, the light bulb, the fluorescent light bulb, the hydro-elecgric dam, the Tesla coil, public hot & cold running water, cars, motorcycles, airplanes, the parachute, the hang glider, the parasail, cargo rockets, the free press, radio, telephone, television, the digital computer, satellites, fiber optics, the internet, the high speed internet, robots, automation, emancipation of slavery, women's suffrage, modern agriculture, mass production, the typewriter, the sewing machine, the camera, the motion picture camera, the drive in, the drive through, the 40 hour work week, retirement, diesel locomotives, synthetics, ceramics, teflon, blue jeans, the frisbee, the yoyo, the hula hoop, the shortboard, the skimbpard, the boogie board, skags, the library of congress, the public library, the public university, space telescopes, the electron microscope, SNL, Cannonball Baker, Joe Kittinger and Neil Armstrong.
So we broke a lot of eggs getting here; you can't condemn us all for the despicable acts of a few lunatics acting in secret. So far our track record is the best anywhere. So instead of sniveling and pointing fingers, grow a brain & help separate the lunatics from the legal system & the technology.
Waaa aAAa aaAah. It rubs the lotion on its skin...
I watched you last night on HBO May4/12. You are a pathetic version of an anti-Christ. Your hatred towards the Mormon Church along with several half and twisted truths shows me that in the grand scheme of things you are just a little man with a big chip on your shoulders. How much of your millions do YOU give to charity? You reek of hypocracy. In the end you'll get what you deserve. I wouldn't be at all surprised if you die of a long painful desease or suicide out of desperation. I pity you and won't be wasting my time watching you again.
I watched you last night on HBO May4/12. You are a pathetic version of an anti-Christ. Your hatred towards the Mormon Church along with several half and twisted truths shows me that in the grand scheme of things you are just a little man with a big chip on your shoulders. How much of your millions do YOU give to charity? You reek of hypocracy. In the end you'll get what you deserve. I wouldn't be at all surprised if you die of a long painful desease or suicide out of desperation. I pity you and won't be wasting my time watching you again.
Sharing the Hope, Sharing the Healing
http://www.hopetohealing.com/veterans/vsubmit/soon2bgone/0soon2bgone.htm
And now as you have finished reading this, our Congress that enjoys their free medical care are in the process of charging these people for their medical care and at the same time possibly reducing their retirement pay. A typical political "thank you."
This should be required reading in every school and college in our country. This Captain, an Army doctor, deserves a medal himself for putting this together. If you choose not to pass it on, fine, but I think you will want to, after you read it.
IF OBAMACAR IS SO GREAT FOR THE US CITIZEN ---THEN IT 'OBAMACARE " ---SHOULD BE GREAT FOR ALL US CITIZENS. EVERY AMERICAN SHOULD GET IT...THE PRESIDENT AND HIS FAMILY, ALL OF CONGRESS, SENATE, ALL FEDERAL WORKERS.... WHY SHOULD THEY BE ANY DIFFERENT THAN "US"? I DON'T WANT OBAMACARE AT ALL! And if we go to war, Congress should declare it a war...and we should fight to WIN..... and not to use the lives of our military forces so indifferently, insensitively, and so irreverently. Get in, do the job, and get out!
You do not do daily devotion to our God. You fly through the air. You ride magic brooms. You talk to each other through magic stones. You are all evil witches! WITCH! WITCH!! Burn! Buurn!! Buuurn!!! BUURN THE WITCH!!
Mr. President, cure assholiness by legalizing weed. C'mon dooood.
The fact that millions of people share the same vices does not make them virtuous.
The fact that they share so many errors does not make the errors to be truths, and the fact that millions of people share the same forms of mental pathology does not make them sane.
Bill
I understand that the banks have bent the rules to favor themselves, but if what they did was 'legal' they would not still be trying to negotiate blanket immunity from prosecution for what the FBI described as their "systemic fraud". I am certain that this can be handled, and that if it is not handled we are all doomed. Obama better handle it. This is what his presidency will be judged on.
Can you really bully a religion? Wouldn't the Almighty Beggar take action and delete me if He was offended? If He did, what does this say about His Perfect Plan?
Religion is fraud. Aleister Crowley was right when he said "Do as you wilt shall be the whole of the law". People do good acts because it is in their self interest, not because they are afraid that God will torture them if they don't.
If the only reason you act nice is because you are afraid God will torture you, then every good deed you perform is an act of hypocrisy, because its not selfless.
In the documentary "Religulous" You've said that Krishna was a carpenter born to a virgin, Please correct me if I am wrong but Krishna was a cowherd and born to born to Mrs. Devaki and Mr. Vasudev. Didn't know he did carpentry on the side ...
Given that Kali is the last incarnation of Krishna and Jesus fits the description of Kali, the only part I have difficulty is the mother claiming she was a virgin. Its far more likely that the repressed fanatics added that falsehood. Otherwise, given all incarnations are aspects of the same consciousness, every parentage is true.
Even Richard Nixon has got it.
@ Sometimes A Great Notion
Kali is a goddess she is not an incarnation, she is associated with the god of destruction 'Shiva'. Krishna is the incarnation/avatar of the observer god 'Vishnu'. Did you mean the things you wrote or was it just to piss people off. There are no similarities between Kali and Jesus, infact they are the exact opposites.
My bad, I meant Kalki. No big, I can't name the 7 dwarves either. Vishnu Krishna Shiva = father son holy ghost. Its all exoteric fiction, nothing to get your balls in a knot over.
If things this insignificant piss you off often, I advise you to start smoking pot before every meal.
How is Jesus similar to Kalki, thought Jesus actually existed over 2000 years ago?
I don't have time to make up a grocery list of their similarities. I encourage you to do this yourself online when you have time. All the official versions of the myths are extensively published online, including all their semantic context support material - stuff that keeps the victims focused on the ethical paradox, not the absurdity of the whole thing.
The short version is, they are both menacing apocalyptic phantasms that resonate with some universal Jungian archetype, a thanatos, imposed on the susceptible for the purpose of behavior modification - subjugation. Anxiety is the lever, apprehension the performance measure. Happy people are immune.
"Circus dogs jump when the trainer cracks his whip, but the really well-trained dog is the one that turns his somersault when there is no whip." - George Orwell
He said to them, "But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one." - Jesus Christ, quoted in Luke 22:36
Really.
Why is that America is extraditing British White Collar criminals in droves (The Nat West Three, Gary McKinnon, Christopher Tappin and now Richard O'Dwyer)? Is it because it is easier to beat up an ally, like hitting your friends, when you're a bully but on the losing side for a change? The flow is more your way than ours as a UK government report disclose a few years ago (We don't try to extradite as many American criminals as you do our citizens as a proportionate amount).
Anonymous, no I can't blame America for the acts of the insane. All of us keep pushing ahead, hoping they'll wake up to their stupidity, it's just that sometimes I despair and end up, giving up under the enormous weight of it all (2nd May).
Dear Bill,
If you were on fire i would not piss on you to put you out! I am glad you wasted your million bucs, watch what happens this fall
you commie piece of shit!!!
"Oh shut up," said Arthur Dent. "Shut up and go away, and take your
bloody bypass with you. You haven't got a leg to stand on and you know
it."
Mr. Prosser's mouth opened and closed a couple of times while his mind
was for a moment lled with inexplicable but terribly attractive visions of
Arthur Dent's house being consumed with re and Arthur himself running
screaming from the blazing ruin with at least three hefty spears protruding
from his back. Mr. Prosser was often bothered with visions like these and
they made him feel very nervous. He stuttered for a moment and then pulled
himself together.
"Mr. Dent," he said.
"Hello? Yes?" said Arthur.
"Some factual information for you. Have you any idea how much damage
that bulldozer would su er if I just let it roll straight over you?"
"How much?" said Arthur.
"None at all," said Mr. Prosser, and stormed nervously o wondering
why his brain was lled with a thousand hairy horsemen all shouting at him.
By a curious coincidence, "None at all" is exactly how much suspicion
the ape-descendant Arthur Dent had that one of his closest friends was not
descended from an ape, but was in fact from a small planet in the vicinity of
Betelgeuse and not from Guildford as he usually claimed.
Arthur Dent had never, ever suspected this.
This friend of his had rst arrived on the planet some fteen Earth years
previously, and he had worked hard to blend himself into Earth society {
with, it must be said, some success. For instance he had spent those fteen
years pretending to be an out of work actor, which was plausible enough.
I watched your show the other day and they tryed comparing Obama to Ragen's recovery.Well the one point they failed to bring up is durning Ragens time they did not have people like Mit buying up companies and selling all the manufacturing tools to china.All Ragen had to do is fill up factories again.Obama has to re-equipt all the factories first then get people hired.
He had made one careless blunder though, because he had skimped a bit on his preparatory research. The information he had gathered had led him to choose the name "Ford Prefect" as being nicely inconspicuous.
He was not conspicuously tall, his features were striking but not conspicuously handsome. His hair was wiry and gingerish and brushed backwards from the temples. His skin seemed to be pulled backwards from the nose.
There was something very slightly odd about him, but it was di fficult to say what it was. Perhaps it was that his eyes didn't blink often enough and when you talked to him for any length of time your eyes began involuntarily to water on his behalf. Perhaps it was that he smiled slightly too broadly and gave people the unnerving impression that he was about to go for their neck.
He struck most of the friends he had made on Earth as an eccentric, but a harmless one - an unruly boozer with some oddish habits. For instance he would often gatecrash university parties, get badly drunk and start making fun of any astrophysicist he could find till he got thrown out.
Sometimes he would get seized with oddly distracted moods and stare into the sky as if hypnotized until someone asked him what he was doing. Then he would start guiltily for a moment, relax and grin.
"Oh, just looking for flying saucers," he would joke and everyone would laugh and ask him what sort of flying saucers he was looking for.
"Green ones!" he would reply with a wicked grin, laugh wildly for a moment and then suddenly lunge for the nearest bar and buy an enormous
round of drinks.
Evenings like this usually ended badly. Ford would get out of his skull on whisky, huddle into a corner with some girl and explain to her in slurred phrases that honestly the color of the flying saucers didn't matter that much really.
Thereafter, staggering semi-paralytic down the night streets he would often ask passing policemen if they knew the way to Betelgeuse. The policemen would usually say something like, "Don't you think it's about time you went home sir?"
"I'm trying to baby, I'm trying to," is what Ford invariably replied on these occasions.
In fact what he was really looking out for when he stared distractedly into the night sky was any kind of flying saucer at all. The reason he said green was that green was the traditional space livery of the Betelgeuse trading scouts.
Ford Prefect was desperate that any flying saucer at all would arrive soon because fifteen years was a long time to get stranded anywhere, particularly somewhere as mindboggingly dull as the Earth.
Bad Santa Pederast gets his
http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/blog/2012/05/17/former-priest-convicted-in-murder-for-hire-plot/index.html
On the Governor of Texas statements on Gay rights. I resent anyone who uses spiritual doctrine to justify hatred. (ie. Leviticus) Ever spring and erection in high school phys ed during shower time? So much for free will, no matter how much a person prays or tries not to, Mr. penis just won't listen. And by the way the constitution was drawn up by Christians, to offer equal constitutional rights to all its citizens. And I wonder if Lenny Bruce would've been considered obscene had he used proper english instead of the expletive he used. "Well we had 45 minutes of math and 15 minutes of oral copulation, or sodomy or masticating hotdogs"
On the Governor of Texas statements on Gay rights. I resent anyone who uses spiritual doctrine to justify hatred. (ie. Leviticus) Ever spring and erection in high school phys ed during shower time? So much for free will, no matter how much a person prays or tries not to, Mr. penis just won't listen. And by the way the constitution was drawn up by Christians, to offer equal constitutional rights to all its citizens. And I wonder if Lenny Bruce would've been considered obscene had he used proper english instead of the expletive he used. "Well we had 45 minutes of math and 15 minutes of oral copulation, or sodomy or masticating hotdogs"
The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were both written by deists and lawyers.
The Declaration of Independence was a rewrite of a proposal Benjamin Franklin authored at least 10 years earlier, probably around 1748, to unite the colonies to defend against the French & Indians. Check it.
The christian disease began to spread around 1840 with the so called Revival. It appears that this was a British operation to weaken the USA & recapture their lost colonies. There were a lot of British loyalists in the 13 states. In 1805 former Vice President Aaron Burr was caught trying to aid the British to seize the Florida territory from Spain, and the Louisiana territory from France. The plan was to surround and invade the USA; revenge. The plan failed, and the Monroe Doctrine was established to prevent the British, the Pope and the Ottoman turks - muslims from a takeover, individually or in collaboration. This is all thoroughly documented from that period. Hostilities with the British continued, openly with the war of 1812. But the loyalists continued to sabotageour nation, especially in the south where they collaborated with the British to increase the slave population, expressly to introduce issues that would fracture the nation.
Enter the brothers Lehman. These British cockroaches made a fortune that still exists from the British slave trade. They were the scoundrels who received the Africans from the British slave ships, and sold them throughout the Americas. About 30% ended up in the USA, the rest went to worse hells under the catholics in the south.
As British loyalists the Lehmans invested heavily in the southern USA to prepare for the invasion, to destabilize the society and incite a slave revolution or civil war.
When the US civil war broke out the British had troops in Canada and Mexico and their navy was offshore. They were here to invade. Another foreign power intervened on our behalf and stopped the British invasion. They later paid a terrible price for this, but they definitely saved the USA in this crisis.
John Wilkes Booth was a British spy. After the war with the British slave trade crushed in the States, the Lehman brothers moved their assets to NYC and with their criminal friends started Wall Street, ultimately to economically enslave the entire workforce. This is the origin of the Federal reserve, and it is probably why they just redistributed the wealth of the Lehman brothers - so that they will not be forced to pay reparations for their dominant role in the slave trade. Instead now that they have repositioned their assets, they can sue for reparations themselves.
Under the Monroe Doctrine the USA built a hardcore navy and protected South American colonies that threw off the Catholic yoke. This enabled the Mexicans to achieve independence, but they never got clear of the Catholics; they needed them to keep the indians down. The tragic result of this - their fuck up, not ours - is with us to this day.
Don't take my word for it. This is just the tip of the iceberg. It is worth your time to learn the whole truth.
Correction: The Constitution, not the Declaration of Independence was a rewrite of a proposal Benjamin Franklin authored.
Marx was a rich kid, not a worker. He was part of another British operation that is still yielding results. Marxism doesn't work! But politicians are real fucking slow.
The United States of America was recaptured by the old world empire on December 24 1913. They have dictated the policies of the USA ever since. The 100 year anniversary is 2013. This is a deadline. This is why things are coming to a peak right now.
Bill it is people like you that are able to stand up to the big boys. why doesn't anyone talk or teach about nikola tesla father of the modern age. his inventions are used every day all over the world but yet he is a ghost. Here a few small examples A/C eletric, Radio wireless transmition of eletricty, the first eletric motor like niagra falls power plant,radar, laser,exray,remote control,free eletricity,floresent lights. this world would not be as high and mighty if not for this man why do we keep him in the dark???
"Science is but a perversion of itself unless it has as its ultimate goal the betterment of humanity." - N. Tesla
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