QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER" Mar. 2, 2012

Friday, March 2, 2012

QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER

Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, March 2, 2012. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.

I thought the election was gonna be all about the economy. But the economy started doing better. So Republicans went to plan b: calling women whores.
- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue

This woman [Sandra Fluke] got a call today from then President. President Obama called her to thank her for her testimony. And then President Clinton called Obama to get her number.
- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue

Rush Limbaugh: four wives he’s had – no children. Dude, you are birth control.
- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue

This gas thing is not funny. We are looking at five dollar a gallon gasoline. Mitt Romney's wife filled up both her Cadillacs today and now she’s one of the poor people he doesn't give a shit about.
- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue

Let me just say two things about the problem with what we’re doing with these Super PACs. First of all, when you do this sort of thing and people give unlimited contributions, what about the people who worked so hard at the grass roots level in 2008? How do you think it makes them feel about being participants in the process? They feel cut out. They feel like they’re just observers now in a big money game. It’s like they’re watching a reality show called, “The Real Big Givers from Beverly Hills.” They’ve basically been cut out. Bill, elections are not just won by money. They’re won by enthusiasm. … The second this is, what are the results? We’ve seen this movie before. The soft money system that we shut down.
- Russ Feingold

The Republican Party no longer listens to Rush Limbaugh. The Republican Party IS Rush Limbaugh.
- James Carville

Having attacked John F. Kennedy he gets rewarded by losing the Catholic vote in Michigan. That sort of gives me some faith in the system. That if you say something that stupid … you offend your own voters, they don’t vote for you.
- John Heilemann

It [a moon colony] would be worth every dime if Newt Gingrich would relocate there.
- John Heilemann

New Rule: Now that Snooki is pregnant, somebody has to ask Rick Santorum, "Are you still against contraception?"
- Bill Maher, in his “New Rules” segment

New Rule: Sheriff Joe Arpaio can't expect to get any credibility investigating the President's birth certificate if he insists on calling the investigators his "posse." Arpaio's self-appointed "Cold Case Posse" reported yesterday that Obama's birth certificate MIGHT be a forgery. Well, good thing they cleared that up. Who ever heard of a posse being unfair to a black man?
- Bill Maher, in his “New Rules” segment

New Rule: "Stormchasers" have to understand something: when you're out there on the hunt, getting as close to the beast as you can, we're kinda hoping it hits you. Seriously, get a life. It's not like you're doing vital research. You just live in Oklahoma and have nothing better to do. It's time to take the gadgets off your van and remember why you bought it in the first place: to have a place to duct tape women.
- Bill Maher, in his “New Rules” segment

This week's guests were Russ Feingold, James Carville, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, John Heilemann and Bob Lutz.