Wednesday, March 21, 2012

QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER" Mar. 16, 2012

Friday, March 16, 2012

QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER


Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, March 16, 2012. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.

March Madnesss…the only place where you hear ‘Kansas is advancing.’
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue

You know who hates March Madness? Rick Santorum. It combines the two things he hates most, college and putting something in a hole.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue

Mitt is determined to win the Southerners back for the general election. His slogan down there is now ‘Romney: Oh right, like you’re gonna vote for the black guy.’
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue

Look, I am not about to debate a home-schooled twelve-year-old. I have enough trouble with Sarah Palin.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue regarding Rick Santorum’s statement that Rick’s son could out debate him.

Today is St. Patrick’s Day Eve, the traditional day where Irish Americans drink all the booze they bought for tomorrow night’s party and the day when Rick Santorum paints his blue balls, green.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue

There were 70 billion dollars in the budget for food stamps last year. There’s 700 billion dollars for defense contractors and the military…there is no difference between welfare queens and Wall Street and the defense contractors if we are going to talk about the entitlement culture in America.
- Alexandra Pelosi

This is what happens with the death of journalism; the world post journalism is just bloggers sitting home in their underwear.
- Alexandra Pelosi on the constant backlash from media on all sides regarding every issue

The tragedy in this situation is that we have been having this conversation since before I was born…and no president in American history has seized the opportunity to lead us to a more efficient structure. Period.
- Dylan Ratigan on the gas prices and reliance on foreign oil

The proportionality of what has happened to America because of unemployment and housing makes everything else look like a flea on a dog’s ass.
- Dylan Ratigan

The Lorax, if you don’t know what it is, it’s a mythical creature who is for saving trees. He speaks for the trees because no one else can. Kind of the way conservatives speak for fetuses.
- Bill Maher

I would much rather we rebuild Philadelphia as opposed to Kabul.
- Mick Cornett on getting out of the Middle East

It sounded like a disillusioned lover.
- Amy Holmes on Greg Smith’s editorial in the New York Times about Goldman Sachs

New Rule: If Irish-Americans can manage to celebrate their heritage in just one day, then Southerners should be able to also. That's right, instead of spending the whole year flying your Confederate flags and saying, "The South will rise again," you get just one day. We'll call it St. Cracker's Day.
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment

New Rule: If an actor gets so much plastic surgery that they're not quite the same person, they have to change their name so it's not quite the same name. Example: "Did you see Lindsay Lowland on SNL? "No, I was watching an Arthur Schwarzenegger movie." "Which one was that?" "You know, that one with Dickie Rourke and Sylvester Stallion."
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment

This week's guests were Alexandra Pelosi, Mick Cornett, Amy Holmes, Dylan Ratigan and Ed Helms.

54 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

I dunno, lets try something else. This really isn't working.

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auriel said...

The founding fathers all kept slaves and grew marijuana; if you kept to old testament law today you'd be a felon, if you lived according to the new testament you could be declared criminally insane. . .

Anonymous said...

The founding fathers did not all keep slaves or grow pot. Regardless of what the international organized criminals say and do, the rule of law is the constitution. If you impose on any other person the violence of any other law such as the named testaments, you are committing crimes. If you believe that supernatural creatures gave you the right to do this violence, you are criminally insane.
At least get your facts straight.

Anonymous said...

REGANOMICS: HEY LOOK AT ALL THOSE PEOPLE WITH RETIREMENT FUNDS, SAVING ACCOUNTS, AND 2ND CARS....LETS GO GET THAT

Anonymous said...

all these cities and states are all of a suuden to broke to keep teachers and such. maybe it has to do with the fact that there is 4 cameras at every intersection, why don't you have your staff figure the number of intersections in texas...do the math $$$$$$$$$$$...

Anonymous said...

any congressman, who at the start of his term, says his goal is to make the president 1 term...sounds like treason

Anonymous said...

At least in theory, any congressman who got elected represents the will of the majority of the people in his districts who care enough to vote; at least the ones who still believe voting matters. So don't blame the congressman, sHe's just the representative of those people. Address the cause, not the symptom.

non guilty said...

Hey Bill, I hope you didn't soil your pants in ecstasy when you found out white babies are now the minority,
(kids are such career killers!) Maybe you had a tingle up your leg, akin to your fellow honkey hater, Chris Matthews when he heard Obama was elected. So glad to hear that if you could afford a real kid, He would be Trayvon, after all what dad wouldn't want a "no limit nigga" for a son!

Lawrence Young said...

Has anyone addressed the need for Separation from Business and State? Big Business runs the government. I don't even think it matters which party wins the Presidency. Which companies (if any) give money to both parties for the election campaign? That would be a great way to cover their bet, so it must be happening.

Lawrence Young said...

When I was young the emphasis was on separation of Church and State, and for good reason. Now times have changed. Religion, for the most part, has less impact in family life. Is anyone proposing the separation of Big Business and State? I feel that it doesn't even matter who wins the Presidency. Big Business is pulling the strings though campaign donations and interest groups. How many companies give money to both parties to cover their bets? That would be a Win-Win for business interests. When will Big Business be held accountable? I graduated from Annapolis, and was a Navy Pilot. I thought that I protected the Constitution and America, but I am beginning to doubt our true role as a military. I am starting to feel that things will never really change.

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Anonymous said...

You're an idiot. Do us all a favor and move to Russia, where you'd obviously be happier.

Anonymous said...

Russia is solvent, Einstein.

Gloria said...

I despise people who trash this country while benefiting from the enormous opportunities they have been given because they are Americans.
I despise people who find everything wrong about America but only offer snide comments and never do anything truly constructive to make it better.
I despise people who think that they are more intelligent and clever than everyone else.
Mostly, though, I despise Bill Maher and his giggling idiot audience.

Sebastian Rooks said...

Gloria,
The first casualty of your contempt is your own happiness: you victimize yourself first. As I am not a hostage under your influence, your spite does me no harm. Clearly it is your intent in expressing this here, to inflict pain on others who share Bill Maher's generous, open-minded, charitable values. You might want to consider this. You choose to hate. Hating has a biological function. Negative environmental conditions emote negative emotional responses, at the speed of reflexes. As you do not know any of us, the subjects of your spite, it appears that you opted to manifest this negative emotion instead of feeling nothing at all. This is very normal, not a symptom of mental dysfunction. You are probably chronically under-stimulated, often bored. We are predisposed toward a critical appraisal of our stimulus. The 'fight or flight' survival mechanism is wired this way, to keep us on guard and ready to fight, an artifact of 2 million years of primate evolution. It is very common. We experience this reflexive 'no' at the most fundamental level of our sensory experience. Try examining your thoughts about those around you, the next time you are in queue at a checkout, or driving in traffic. Wow. Apparently this fixation against that which is dissimilar to ourselves is the first layer beneath the veneer of civility. Which is of course what you demonstrated by posting your opinion of spite against me who you do not know, anonymously, as you sit privately at your computer, with your armor of civility off.
Perpetuating elevated negative emotional states in the absence of negative stimulus is unhealthy. When I experience an instinctive negative emotional reaction, I think of something positive. This enables me to buy time to develop a rational response. Try this just once and you'll see how it works:
When someone sets you off, in your head immediately start counting the money in your pocket or purse. This suspends the emotional reaction and emphasizes your analytical process. If I have only a little money I start worrying about *my own* concerns, not the person who offended me. If I have a decent amount, I immediately develop a positive outlook on life, and the trivial offense is properly ignored. If the offensive person still seems offensive, I strive to respond as wittily, charming and clever as possible. Either way, the negative emotional reaction is checked & channelled into a positive response. At the very least I take pleasure in not letting them get to me and make me feel as you did when you wrote this.
Life is too short to be angry at the clumsy stupid things people do, or to involve yourself with malicious people. Share happiness and you will receive happiness.
Peace & best wishes.

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