QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER" Apr. 8, 2011

Friday, April 8, 2011

QUOTES FROM “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER

Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, April 8, 2011. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.

They’re obsessed with abortion; Republicans. If they really wanted to protect the weakest, more helpless people, wouldn’t they protect Democrats?
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue

Today [President] Obama changed his slogan from “Yes, We Can” to “Have It Your Way.”
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue regarding Obama conceding to Republican demands during budget cut talks

It may be because he only had one sponsor left, a company making adult diapers that are lined with tin foil to keep the wetness in and the world government radio waves out.
- Bill Maher in his opening monologue on the cancellation of Glenn Beck’s show

We have made flying so cheap, I’m afraid we are going to make it cheap at any cost.
- Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger

The Tea Party we were told is only about economics; not true. It was always about economics and social issues. They just hid the social issues and now we just see who they really are.
- Andrew Sullivan

The idea that the United States of American might shut down its government over abortion and funding to an organization that is 0.01% of the U.S. budget seems completely insane. Anyone looking at this debate around the world is thinking ‘What is this country doing? They have three wars going on, they’re trying to manage major problems and they’re thinking of shutting down their government over abortion?’
- Katty Kay on the looming U.S. Government shutdown

The big lie out there, the big lie that the Republicans propagate day after day, is that cutting marginal rates for those at the top is going to create jobs. It’s simply not true.
- Eliot Spitzer

Glenn Beck retired or got fired…and a lot of people are asking who will now speak for the raving lunatics who startle you outside of a parking garage?
- Bill Maher

I think of these imperial adventures like welfare programs; you start them with all good intentions, they never end, they go on forever and get more expensive as they go on.
- Andrew Sullivan on the U.S. being referred to as an empire

New Rule: Your fuselage shouldn’t open more easily than your pretzel bag.
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment

New Rule: Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment

New Rule: Don’t wear bacon cologne. If you put on…you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who is tempted to wear bacon cologne, it’s not like you could get laid any less.
- Bill Maher in his ‘New Rules’ segment

This week's guests were Captain Chesley ‘Sully’ Sullenberger, Eliot Spitzer, Katty Kay, Andrew Sullivan and Colin Quinn.