Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Republican Debate Review


Republicans sure have the right symbol with the elephant. Republican debates are nothing but elephants in the room.

The biggest of which must be: to someone out there who's hurting, they spend the whole two hours yammering away about earmarks and illegal immigrants and contraception and every other peripheral, wish-I-had-the-time-to-worry-about-it issue they can think of.

Then there is the elephant of how they all -- with the sometime exception of Ron Paul -- nod along to insane statements just because they don't want to ever look like they're to the left of anybody, on anything, especially the evilness of Barack Obama. So Wednesday night when Newt said the president of the United States had a history of practicing infanticide... yep, yep, yessir, that's what he does all right. Clubs infants like baby seals in his spare time. Ike played golf, Kennedy liked boating...

Ron Paul said foreign aid just helps our enemies. Which, I believe, would make Israel and Egypt our two biggest enemies. Yup, yup, hate foreign aid. A meaningless percentage of the budget, btw.

Newt said where government becomes the central provider of services, it's a move towards tyranny -- yeah, except in all the countries where it isn't, like all of Scandanavia and much of Europe. Today a barium enema paid for by medicare, tomorrow Poland.

And isn't a highlight of every debate when Mitt Romney takes umbrage at being accused of the best thing he ever did in his life -- Romneycare? Something he should be proud of? Last night he took out his dueling glove and declared that when he was governor, he made sure there was NO requirement from the church to provide morning after pills for rape victims. They will be punished with a baby, as Jesus would want. Mitt's attitude is always, "How dare you accuse me of helping people or being compassionate! Why, I'll have you know I'm every bit as much of a cold hearted bastard as any of these other pricks up here with me!"

"But Mitt, we have a picture of you giving money to a homeless person."

"I did NOT give a bum money! I was paying him to blow me!"

This Republican field over the last year has been such a comedy gold mine -- which I have compacted into a stand-up special I'm doing Thursday night, February 23, called #CrazyStupidPolitics -- it's free, and it's live-streamed on Yahoo! 10:30 Eastern (with a mindblowing announcement at the end). I apologize for the shameful plug, but I just want you to have a good laugh! Thank you Arianna, you're the best... and now back to our blog.

The biggest elephant in the room tonight for me was Satan. All day, TV news was talking about Satan because of Rick Santorum's dug-up (but, no doubt still accurate) comments about Satan from 2008. It just shows you how when someone is a nobody politically speaking -- as Santorum was in 2008 -- you can say any kind of crazy shit and it's not newsworthy. But when you are seeking the highest office in the land... in the world -- it really worries me that you believe in demons and a personified creature named Satan.

People get mad at me for using the phrase "this stupid country", which I sometimes do -- but, I'm sorry -- Satan? In 2012? This elephant is not only in the room at the debates, but everywhere on TV today where people were talking about this and not breaking down in the middle and screaming, Wait a minute -- We're modern people, surely we don't give any credence to this comic book character that was created in the bronze age!! It's barely worthy of a children's story, and people take it to the Oval Office -- Bush did -- and it affects their thinking and our lives. Why is Santorum so against contraception? Because there's a line in Genesis about not spilling your seed. A random brainfart from some desert dweller 3,000 years ago, before people knew about germs or atoms or round planets, and it gets written down and passed down and in 2012 people like Rick Santorum are still too R-word to see that, and that's why some woman in Akron, Ohio might not get birth control.

And as far as Rick's claim tonight that even though he holds these beliefs, he wouldn't legislate them? Bullshit -- he said states absolutely had the right to outlaw contraception. That's the same thing -- as an officer of the government, he should take the opposite position. Ron Paul would.

My favorite moment of the debate was the last question, when they all were asked to summarize themselves in one word: Ron Paul said "consistency," and you know what? I have no argument with that. It's true, and he's earned it.

The other ones however, I think I could find a more honest word. Mitt Romney said "resolute." I would have gone with "shapeshifter." Or perhaps "irresolute." Rick Santorum said "courage" , whereas I would have said "Bellevue." And Newt Gingrich said "cheerful." I was thinking "pus."

One other thing: in the overtime, I heard Ron Paul make the point to John King that his foreign policy was similar to Eisenhower's, how Ike avoided getting militarily involved in Vietnam or the Suez Canal and got out of Korea. Because he was a military man. Ron Paul served, also -- the other three not so much. I know it will never become law, because it would require a constitutional amendment, but I don't think it would be such a bad thing if you had to have served in the military if you wanted to be president. Kennedy also avoided war where many would not have. After him, though, we got into the era of non-servers and draft-dodgers, and used the military like a toy. Ex-soldiers understand it's not. And the president is Commander-in-Chief -- shouldn't you have served some time in an organization you're the head of?

I hope this was the last Republican debate. Well, I say that, but I'll need the material after I use up an hour of good jokes tomorrow night, so, fuck it, keep going.

Last bullshit call: In his closing statement, Rick Santorum said that in the race against the Evil One (no, not that Evil One, he was talking about Obama), the president would have the media in his pocket (yeah, except Fox News, lots of newspapers, all of radio... ), and way more money. Huh? Sheldon Adelson this week said he might give $100 million to Newt Gingrich! If he'd give that to Newt who has no chance, he might give more to Romney. And he's just one old cranky billionaire who hates Obama, there's a whole gaggle of them.

And Sheldon, if you want to blow money so bad, just walk into one of your hotels in Vegas and go to the Roulette table.

30 comments:

Rich Goldstein said...

The Republican debates made great theater. I only wish it had ended more like Hamlet.

Anonymous said...

The Great Snark Hunt: Real Time On The Campaign Trail
Its showtime!

Anonymous said...

I have a question for the candidates. if you have smart bombs and trillions of dollars worth of high tech that is so slick you need UFO stories to keep a lid on it, why are you punishing women & children by starving them and denying them medical care? Why don't you just apprehend or disintegrate the villains in charge of the key command and control structures? Why have you all insisted on giving America a black eye with your ruthless cruelty and stinginess? All of you are directly responsible for this. Even if you voted against it you have silent about many, many crimes against including treason. Even now not one of you is addressing the real issues and the real criminals, such as the cover up entire 4rth estate is engaged in. Why? Because you don't give a shit about anyone but yourselves.

Not one of you is worthy of your current position, let alone the presidency. Not one since JFK, and vary few after FDR.

Here is another question. If a corporation is a person, how can I fuck a corporation? Maybe Newt or Mitt can answer this, seeing how they claim to have the most experience?

Anonymous said...

The candidates will probably spend more than 3 billion dollars on this election.

3 billion dollars is enough money to send 30,000 people to college for a 4 year degree.

The National Center for Education Statistics reports that 3,235,000 American children will graduate high school in 2012. The cost of this election could put 1% of them through college. They could all go to college free for less than half of what we spend on corporate welfare.

How stupid are these people? Fire them all!

Jim Grupe said...

The scary part is what motivates each of these candidates:

Santorum wants to end the separation between church and state, and make Christianity part of our government. His Christianity, that is - the kind that monitors what you do in your bedroom.

Romney wants to make the world safe for rich people, so they can afford to bring their money back from Swiss Banks as he did. None of the "ghost of Christmas past" bullshit.

Gingrich is after redemption - his own. He will do this with a magic wand that reduces gas prices to pre-Bush levels. The details of his plan are unclear, but it probably includes elimination of the Dept of Education. This won't actually reduce gas prices, but may reduce the ability of the electorate to read big numbers.

Paul wants nothing less than to disassemble the federal government and give control of Middle Earth back to the Elves.

George Carlin said...

Good honest hard-working people; white collar, blue collar it doesn’t matter what color shirt you have on. Good honest hard-working people continue, these are people of modest means, continue to elect these rich cock suckers who don’t give a fuck about you. They don’t give a fuck about you. They don’t give a fuck about you.

They don’t care about you at all… At all… AT ALL.

Charlie Reese said...

545 PEOPLE
By Charlie Reese

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?
Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash.

The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

Charlie Reese said...

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted - by present facts - of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
If the Army & Marines are in IRAN, it's because they want them in IRAN.
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses,
provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

What you do with this article now that you have read it... is up to you

Anonymous said...

With all this alleged GOP primary election fraud I can't imagine these guys have a snowball's chance in Hell. The only way they can field a winning candidate is if President Obama is duped into choosing a running mate like Sarah Palin.

But Mr. Biden is getting on in years, which is why I nominate Bill Maher for vice president. Imagine a happier legislature; somebody has to slap down the constipated senators.

OBAMA MAHER 2012!

OccupyTVNY said...

Occupy The Courts - A Conversation with Lawrence Lessig and Chris Hedges
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http://www.occupytvny.org/

XO Bad Ronald said...

Newt Gingrich dreams of expelling the convicts and undesirables to his moon colony.

Not very original, Newton.

Anonymous said...

23 trillion reasons & habeas corpus. Vote for them? I want to arrest them. Dems too.

Anonymous said...

The preoccupation of the right with the unborn is because they have sold them already, and because they can't directly criminalize sexual intercourse.

Anonymous said...

Maher you suck. You are not funny. Why don't you spend another million doing the right thing. I would love to see you selected for VP. Now THAT would be funny. I predict you are on your last leg on HBO. Try Radio. Surely a person of you wit would have both Dems and Republicans eating out of you hand. NOT!!!!! You wouldn't last 6months.

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't it be great if wars could be fought just by the assholes who started them?

Anonymous said...

"I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. As a result of the war, corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed. I feel at this moment more anxiety for the safety of my country than ever before, even in the midst of war." - President Abraham Lincoln

wikipedia said...

The Treaty of Tripoli (Treaty of Peace and Friendship between the United States of America and the Bey and Subjects of Tripoli of Barbary). It was submitted to the Senate by future President John Adams, receiving ratification unanimously from the U.S. Senate on June 7, 1797 and signed by George Washington. The treaty has attracted attention because it contains a clause about religion in the United States.

As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion… as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquility, of Mussulmen [Muslims]… and as the said States never entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mahometan [Muslim] nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.

The treaty is cited as historical evidence in the modern day controversy over whether there was religious intent by the founders of the United States government. Article 11 of the treaty has been interpreted as an official denial of a Christian basis for the U.S. government.

This is not a christian country. You have the right to your own religion or none, depending on your intelligence (quick test: does Bishop Mitt Romney know better than you whats best for you?). Anyone who says otherwise is a liar and a theif.

Louise said...

It's for sure a white man's world in America. Look here: I raised that boy since he was the size of a piss-ant. And I'll say right now, he never learned to read and write. No, sir. Had no brains at all. Was stuffed with rice pudding between the ears. Shortchanged by the Lord, and dumb as a jackass. Look at him now! Yes, sir, all you've gotta be is white in America, to get whatever you want. Gobbledy-gook!

Anonymous said...

Ron Paul 2012

Anonymous said...

The glorious army that drew up before the Bush Family Treason Convention Center numbered somewhat less than the original thousands. It numbered seven, to be exact, and might have been less had not seven merinos finally bolted for freedom out from under their riders. Cautiously, Ron Paul looked upon the Black Gate to the Party of Death. It was many times a man in height and painted a flashy red. Both halves were labeled OUT.

"They will issue from here," Ron Paul explained. "Let us unfurl our battle standard."
Dutifully Ventura fitted together his cue and attached the white cloth.
"But that is not our standard," said Ron Paul.
"Bets?" said Rand.
"Better Romney than Obama," said Ventura as he bent his cannon into a plowshare.
Suddenly Ron Paul's eyes bugged.
"Lo!" he cried.

Black flags were raised in the black towers and the gate opened like an angry maw to upchuck its evil spew. Out poured an army the bikes of which was never seen. Forth from the gate burst a hundred thousand rabid narcs swinging bicycle chains and tire irons, followed by drooling divisions of pop-eyed changelings, deranged zombies, and distempered werewolves. At their shoulders marched eight score heavily armored griffins, three thousand goose-stepping mummies, and a column of abominable snowmen on motorized bobsleds; at their flanks tramped six companies of slavering ghouls, eighty parched vampires in white tie, and the Phantom of the Opera. Above them the sky was blackened by the dark shapes of vicious pelicans, houseflies the size of two-car garages, and Rodan the Flying Monster. Through the portals streamed more foes of
various forms and descriptions, including a six-begged diplodocus, the Loch Ness Monster, King Kong, Godzilla, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, the Beast with 1,000,000 Eyes, the Brain from Planet Arous, three different subphyla of giant insects, the Thing, It, She, Them, and the Blob. The great tumult of their charge could have waked the dead, were they not already bringing up the rear.

"Lo," warned Ron Paul, "the Republican National Convention approaches."
Ventura gripped his cue with an iron hand as the others huddled around him in a last, shivering tableau before the fiendish onslaught.
"Vell, ve going bye-bye," Ayn said as she crushed Ron Paul in a
sweet, final embrace.
"Farewell," squeaked Ron Paul. "We will die heroes."
"Perhaps," sobbed Friedman, "we shall meet in better lands than this."
"Wouldn't be difficult," agreed Black as he made out his will.
"So long, shrimp," Napolitano said to Rand.
"Be seein' ya, creep," replied the dwarf.
"Lo!" exclaimed Ron Paul, rising from his knees.
"If he says that once more," said Rand, "I'll croak him myself."

But all eyes followed the candidate's shaking pinky. The sky was filling with a bright puce smog, and there came in a great wind a blatting noise similar to that made by certain billionaires when they plea bargain. The black ranks wavered in their march, stopped, and began to fidget. Suddenly, cries of anguish were heard from above and black pelicans fell from the sky, their Holy Riders desperately struggling with ripcords. The narc hordes shrieked, threw down their tire irons, and hotfooted it toward the open gate. But as the narcs and their scaly allies turned back to safety, they were changed as if by magic into pillars of garlic. The terrible army had vanished and all that remained were a few white mice and a soggy pumpkin.

"Romney's caucus is no more!" cried Ron Paul, catching the drift. "We can reclaim the party for real conservatives."

Anonymous said...

If Jesus told 3 of them to run, I'm sure Satan must be backing some of them too.

Anonymous said...

“Lenin is said to have declared that the best way to destroy the capitalist system was to debauch the currency. By a continuing process of inflation, governments can confiscate, secretly and unobserved, an important part of the wealth of their citizens. By this method they not only confiscate, but they confiscate arbitrarily.” John Maynard Keynes

Anonymous said...

My life fades. The vision dims. All that remains are memories. I remember a time of chaos. Ruined dreams. This wasted land. But most of all, I remember The Road Warrior. The man we called "Mel". To understand who he was, you have to go back to another time. When the world was powered by the black fuel. And the desert sprouted great cities of pipe and steel. Gone now, swept away. For reasons long forgotten, two mighty warrior tribes went to war and touched off a blaze which engulfed them all. Without fuel, they were nothing. They built a house of straw. The thundering machines sputtered and stopped. Their leaders talked and talked and talked. But nothing could stem the avalanche. Their world crumbled. The cities exploded. A whirlwind of looting, a firestorm of fear. Men began to feed on men. On the roads it was a white line nightmare. Only those mobile enough to scavenge, brutal enough to pillage would survive. The gangs took over the highways, ready to wage war for a tank of juice. And in this maelstrom of decay, ordinary men were battered and smashed. Men like Mel.

Anonymous said...

Super PACs - to make sure even the dumbest people realize their vote doesn't count. As if the proven cases of electronic vote fraud didn't rub it in.

At least the people in Europe are aware that the USA does not have a representative government, and so don't blame us all.

Anonymous said...

Public Notice: Report to the Home Land Security anything that is suspicious.

Anonymous said...

The prisoner wishes to say a word

Anonymous said...

Live turkey shoot

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Anonymous said...

I say... get rid of ALL the politicians, starting with Barry Sotero! If his lips are movin, he's lyin! Most Repubs don't even like Romney, but he'd be much better than the P.O.S.P.O.T.U.S. that's in now! B.O. is NO better than G.B.; won't accept ANY responsibility, even after 4 years, still blames Bush for everything wrong. He isn't the great 'uniter' but, the great 'divider'. The 2 major parties are ALL crooked, Dems AND Repubs... Assholes like Bill Maher don't help by fueling fires... he only wants to kiss B.O. ass.. and get ratings! People, educate yourselves, watch ALL the news, watch BBC.. The WORLD is laughing at stupid Americans while taking their foreign aid.. libertarian is THE way to go.

Anonymous said...

Inside Job, Narrated by Matt Damon (Full Length HD)